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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737795">The Transformation Speculation</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/April_in_Paris/pseuds/April%20in%20Paris'>April in Paris (April_in_Paris)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shamy - Fandom, The Big Bang Theory (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Friendship, Gossip, Humor, Romance, Rumors, Speculation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:00:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,814</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737795</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/April_in_Paris/pseuds/April%20in%20Paris</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sheldon’s marriage to Amy, his friends start to notice changes in his behavior and they set out to find the cause. A different kind of Shamy story, as told by their friends. CANON</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sheldon Cooper/Amy Farrah Fowler, shamy - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey! Where's Sheldon?"</p>
<p>Leonard looked up from his lunch tray as Raj and Howard took their seats across the table from him. "Amy packed their lunches and they're eating together in his office," he explained.</p>
<p>"Doesn't he realize he's only three days away from being permanently shackled to her? He should be out, enjoying the dying days of his bachelorhood," Howard said.</p>
<p>"He's probably grateful for whatever she brought so he doesn't have to eat here," Raj said, wrinkling his nose as he removed a browning piece of lettuce from his sandwich.</p>
<p>"Or, you know, Amy is giving him a sausage sandwich, if you know what I mean."</p>
<p>"Nah," Leonard said, "it's Sheldon."</p>
<p>Howard nodded. "Right. Amy will just have to make do with an empty bun."</p>
<p>"They're probably doing last-minute wedding planning," Raj suggested. "You have no idea what it takes to plan a wedding."</p>
<p>"And you do?" Howard asked.</p>
<p>Leonard snickered and then explained, "Probably not. Penny took tomorrow and Friday off to help Amy with all that stuff. I can't see Sheldon caring about centerpieces."</p>
<p>"Maybe." Howard paused and leaned forward. "You know, I ran into him this morning and he was . . ." He screwed up his face. "Well, I was going to say strange, but it's Sheldon so I'll just go with different."</p>
<p>"Different? Different how?" Raj asked.</p>
<p>"I don't know. Like . . . peppy."</p>
<p>"Peppy?" Leonard's eyebrows bushed together. "Sheldon? I don't think those two words go together."</p>
<p>Raj asked, "Peppy? You mean like a spring in his step?"</p>
<p>"Are you sure he wasn't just avoiding stepping on any cracks to avoid breaking his mother's back?"</p>
<p>"Or saw a bug?"</p>
<p>Howard shook his head. "I know. It was . . . Well, again weird is out, so let's say unique."</p>
<p>"He's probably just excited about his wedding. Say what you want to, he really does love Amy," Raj said.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Leonard agreed. "I know it's . . . unusual, but Sheldon's probably just happy. You remember how it was, how exciting it was to marry the love of your life."</p>
<p>"Oh, is that why you did it twice?" Howard asked.</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Hey, guys," Stuart called, stepping up the display of comic books.</p>
<p>"Hello." "Hey." "Hi."</p>
<p>"What's new?" he asked, angling to look at the comic book in Sheldon's hands. "Oh, I didn't know you liked the Harley Quinn volumes."</p>
<p>"What?" Sheldon looked up and dropped the periodical at the same time, causing a loud thump as it landed in the wooden bin. "No, I don't. It's nothing but filth. The dirtiest comic book on the market. Practically pornography. My mother raised me better than that. I can't believe you'd sell it in a store that allows children to enter."</p>
<p>"Sheldon's overreacting to a simple question," Leonard pointed out, "so, no. Nothing's new here."</p>
<p>Howard snatched the dropped comic book from in front of Sheldon. "Give me that. Maybe it will give an idea of how to make Bernie wear pigtails to bed."</p>
<p>"Well, we all can't live in exciting times," Stuart said.</p>
<p>Four non-committal noises came from the group of friends as they continued to look through the books.</p>
<p>"I mean, someone somewhere has to have some happy news," Stuart added, running his forefinger along the edge of the display.</p>
<p>Silence.</p>
<p>"I can understand how you think a pale, malnourished owner of a barely soluble comic book store might not have anything to share, but -"</p>
<p>"Oh, for goodness sake, what could possibly be new, Stuart?" Howard finally asked. "You live in my house."</p>
<p>"Denise is coming over tonight."</p>
<p>"How is that new?" Raj asked. "Howard says she's been coming a lot lately. And very loudly."</p>
<p>Everyone chuckled except Sheldon who dropped another comic book into the bin with a grumble.</p>
<p>"I'm glad it's going so well for you," Leonard said. "She seems nice."</p>
<p>"Thank you. She is. We're celebrating our one-month anniversary. I'm trying to decide between Marvin Gaye or Boyz to Men for this evening."</p>
<p>"Wow, it's hard to believe it's been a month already," Raj said.</p>
<p>"No, it's really not," Howard mumbled.</p>
<p>"A month!" Sheldon suddenly yelled. "It's been thirty-one days, to be precise. Thirty-one days since the wedding. Seven days of honeymoon and then twenty-four days afterward. Twenty-four! I didn't think it would happen so soon. I'm not ready!"</p>
<p>"For a Wednesday evening?" Leonard asked.</p>
<p>"Or for thirty-one to follow thirty?" Howard asked.</p>
<p>"What I wouldn't give for my biggest decision to be Marvin Gaye versus Boyz to Men," Sheldon sighed, slumping his shoulders.</p>
<p>"I could use the advice. Who would you pick?" Stuart asked.</p>
<p>Sheldon looked startled to be asked. "How could I? I have no idea who any of those people are. I'm talking about matters of great import! I thought I'd have more time to find variety!"</p>
<p>Then he turned sharply on his heels and walked briskly out of the store, all four of his friends craning their necks to follow him.</p>
<p>Leonard called after him, "How are you going to get home?" But it was too late, and the door shut away any hope of an answer.</p>
<p>"What's gotten into him?" Stuart asked. "That was -"</p>
<p>"Different."</p>
<p>"Unique."</p>
<p>"Unusual."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Where is he?" Leonard looked down at his watch again. "It's not like Sheldon to be late."</p>
<p>"Maybe you got the time wrong," Penny suggested. Whatever Sheldon's faults were punctuality was not among them, so it was more likely Leonard had the incorrect time. She crossed her arms and looked at the rolled-up sleeping bag and the duffle bag at his feet. "Did you pack your backup inhaler?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah," Leonard muttered as he looked at his phone. "No, the text is right here. Seven p.m. And my phone says it's 7:04. I'm going over." He reached down and grabbed his supplies, and Penny followed him across the hall. As his hands were full, she was the one to knock on the door to 4B.</p>
<p>The door opened a crack, and Sheldon peeked around the corner. "Just a minute, I have to comb my hair." Both Penny and Leonard stepped back when the door slammed shut in their face. Penny especially regretted she hadn't noticed if his hair was messy or not.</p>
<p>"What was that?" Penny mouthed over to Leonard who shrugged.</p>
<p>But at least they could now hear the voices on the other side of the door.</p>
<p>"Where's my pillow?" Sheldon asked.</p>
<p>"I would have thought on his bed," Leonard whispered.</p>
<p>They heard Amy call out next, "Here it is, I found it!"</p>
<p>"Maybe he was confused about which side," Penny whispered back.</p>
<p>"Hurry, change the pillowcase. I can't take it like that," Sheldon instructed her.</p>
<p>Their neighbors shared a confused look and mutual shrug before Sheldon opened the door again. The first thing Penny looked at was his hair, which looked like normal Sheldon hair to her. He had a sleeping bag tucked under one arm, his pillow with what she presumed was a fresh pillowcase under the other, and, as he walked out into the hallway, she noticed the large backpack, so over-loaded with weight that it was pulling down his shoulders.</p>
<p>"I apologize for the delay," Sheldon offered. "Something, um, came up unexpectedly, right when I got home, and I just had, um, far less time than I would have liked to do it."</p>
<p>"Okay, sure," Leonard said. "But you could have texted."</p>
<p>"Every second counted, Leonard. Every second!"</p>
<p>"What did ya pack there, Sheldon?" Penny asked, changing the subject. "That's a lot of stuff for your little slumber party."</p>
<p>"It's not a slumber party!" Leonard and Sheldon protested in unison. Then Sheldon added, "It's a very scientific endeavor. We're joining Raj in the telescope lab to watch Perseids Meteor Shower in real-time. It just so happens it's occurring in the wee hours of the morning."</p>
<p>"And Bernadette said there was no way she was letting Howard come and go in the middle of the night and wake up the kids, so we're staying over in the lab." Leonard paused. "Actually, it'll be fun, like old times. We used to have astrophysics sleepovers all the time in the lab."</p>
<p>"Well, I hope nobody breaks anything during the pillow fight."</p>
<p>"For the last time, Penny," Sheldon said, "it was pillow jousting and it was only Leonard's pinkie toe."</p>
<p>"Oh, good! You haven't left!" Amy came running out of the apartment and handed Sheldon something. "You forgot the mittens I knitted for you."</p>
<p>"Mittens?" Leonard asked. "Um, you did tell her we'd be inside, right? And that we live in California?"</p>
<p>"They are protection," Amy explained. "If he sleeps with the mittens on, no one can easily dip his hand into warm water while he sleeps."</p>
<p>Even as he accepted the mittens with a smile, Sheldon sighed. "Amy, I told you there's no scientific proof that immersion diuresis works with only one's extremities submerged."</p>
<p>"And I told you to tell that to my bunkmate at the Bible camp my mother made me go to when I was ten," Amy shot back.</p>
<p>Penny chuckled and Leonard's eyebrows fell. "Well, as much as I'd love to stay and discuss the causes of nocturnal urination, I promised we'd pick up the pizza on the way. And we're late. Come on, Sheldon. Bye, Penny."</p>
<p>"Bye! Have fun at your sciencey slumber party!"</p>
<p>"It's not a slumber party!"</p>
<p>"Be careful, Sheldon," Amy called after them as the two men started down the stairs. "Don't let them put salt in your sleeping bag. It's too small to see with the naked eye and it feels like bed bugs crawling on you!"</p>
<p>"I'll use the hand vac before I get in," Sheldon's voice called back. "Goodnight!"</p>
<p>Penny stood next to Amy and watched and listened until there were no more traces of their husbands. "I feel like they're going off to summer camp, like I should have packed extra socks and bug spray."</p>
<p>"Oh, don't worry. I put three different kinds in Sheldon's backpack," Amy said. "I just hope no one wants to tell ghost stories. Sheldon won't sleep for weeks."</p>
<p>Smiling, Penny turned toward her friend, who'd looked unexpectedly serious. "Oh. I thought you were joking about the bug spray."</p>
<p>"I never joke about Sheldon and his bug spray."</p>
<p>In the rush of their husbands leaving, Penny hadn't noticed how flushed Amy's cheeks were. And, now that she was aware, her breathing seemed a little fast. "Amy, are you okay?"</p>
<p>"Believe me, I feel great. Why?"</p>
<p>"I don't know. You seem a little . . . out of breath."</p>
<p>"It's probably just all the running around at the last minute. Mittens, hand vacs, bug spray, you know."</p>
<p>"Yeah, I guess. Sheldon said something came up. I hope it wasn't anything big."</p>
<p>"Oh, it was."</p>
<p>"Really? And you're not worried about it?"</p>
<p>"Definitely not." Amy rocked on her heels. "So, are you hungry? I'm starving."</p>
<p>"Mmmm," Penny considered. She had thought about spending all night alone eating junk food and binge watching <em>The Real Housewives of Orange County</em>, which Leonard hated.</p>
<p>"I'll order a pizza," Amy offered. "They guys are having some; it sounds good."</p>
<p>She could watch <em>Outlander</em> with Amy instead; it wasn't what Penny had planned, but it did have some appealing qualities she enjoyed. Mostly Scottish ones.</p>
<p>"I'll open a bottle of wine."</p>
<p>"Okay, I'm in." Penny followed her friend into her apartment.</p>
<p>
  <em>To be continued . . .</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>Thank you in advance for your reviews!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Howard rubbed his forehead and swallowed, wincing at the action. What was that last measurement? He couldn't remember. He felt even worse than he had this morning. Maybe he should go home, as Leonard had suggested earlier when he saw the dark circles under his eyes.</p>
<p>But going home sick would mean admitting defeat to Bernadette. She'd already told him it was just a "man cold" and to "suck it up." It was a miracle she hadn't yet reminded him that she'd pushed two human beings out of her genitals; she rarely missed an opportunity for that.</p>
<p>When they were dating and when she was annoying Sheldon, Howard loved nothing more than her sparky, take-no-prisoners personality. If he were being honest, it made his life easier to have someone to organize it and monitor it and course correct it for him. Like his mother used to do. He could just sit back and say "Yes, ma'am" and decisions were magically made.</p>
<p>And it's not that Bernadette wasn't a loving person in her own way. She was a wonderful mother, even if it wasn't the path she originally intended to take. She was smart and beautiful and successful. That same tenacity that propelled her forward in life also propelled her to stand by his side, fighting for him and their children. And with two young children at home, they needed all the tenacity they could get. Yes, her kind of love was tough love, but that only meant she stuck ever more tightly to him. Like the duct tape they used to repair the space station. It may be small but it was sticky and strong and saved him from suffication, even in the harshness of outer space.</p>
<p>Knock, knock, knock. "Howard."<br/>Knock, knock, knock. "Howard."<br/>Knock, knock, knock. "Howard."</p>
<p>Just as he was about to turn around, Howard felt a sudden sneeze coming on and he pulled his elbow up to his face to catch it. Then he reached for a tissue and wiped his sleeve as clean as he could. Just the sound of that voice made his congested sinuses ache more. "What is it, Sheldon?"</p>
<p>"I heard you were sick and -"</p>
<p>"- and you came to demand I leave?" Howard asked as he threw the tissue away and pumped sanitizer on his hand. "Don't worry, I don't have a fever." Okay, that was probably not true. He was starting to feel hot and cold at the same time and that was not a good sign.</p>
<p>"Oh, I assure you, I'm not."</p>
<p>Howard finally turned around to see Sheldon, in a full yellow hazardous materials suit complete with a breathing apparatus, standing in the door to his lab. "Really? A hazmat suit?"</p>
<p>"Because it's imperative I take every precaution possible to prevent a viral or bacterial infection in the next thirty-six hours."</p>
<p>"Oookkaaayyy." Howard tried to remember what Sheldon had going on in the next thirty-six hours, but that just made his head hurt more. "Then why are you even here?"</p>
<p>Sheldon walked into the lab, although Howard noticed it was more of a shuffle to the sound of brushing plastic. "I brought you chicken noodle soup." He held a foam lidded container out in front of him. "And a spoon."</p>
<p>"Um, thanks." Howard reached out and took the warm container, which felt surprisingly comforting in his chilled hands. "I didn't know they were serving soup in the cafeteria today."</p>
<p>"They aren't. But I knew they had extra chicken and broth from the chicken à la king that is on the menu, and I took the chance they had leftover egg noodles from that casserole yesterday."</p>
<p>"Wait, you went to the cafeteria and made this?"</p>
<p>"Oh, no. I asked Agnes to make it for me. You know she said I look just like her grandson. The one in prison for auto theft, not the one in prison for aggravated assault."</p>
<p>Caught in the hazy fog that often accompanies both the symptoms of a cold and the medicine used to help alleviate those symptoms, Howard just looked at Sheldon in confusion.</p>
<p>"Howard? Howard?" Sheldon attempted to snap in fingers in front of his face, but it sounded more plastic flatulence instead.</p>
<p>"I was trying to decide if I really wanted to know how you knew so much about the lunch ladies or if that was the fever talking."</p>
<p>"I thought you said you didn't have a fever."</p>
<p>As he shook his head - a mistake for his painful sinuses, as it turned out - Howard said, "I didn't think I did until you came in."</p>
<p>"Should I call someone to drive you home?" Sheldon asked. "But not Amy. Absolutely not Amy. Not under any circumstances. She can't risk a viral or bacterial infection, either."</p>
<p>"No, it's fine. Listen, thanks for the soup. That was really . . ." Howard stumbled over the next word, "thoughtful of you."</p>
<p>"You're welcome. Enjoy your lunch. Oh, and get well soon." And then, as strangely as he'd arrived, Sheldon shuffled and aspirated his way out.</p>
<p>Before he opened the soup and found it delicious in that way only something unexpectedly good can be, Howard took out his phone and texted Raj and Leonard. <em>Sheldon just did the weirdest thing. Or I'm hallucinating.</em></p>
<hr/>
<p>"See, one-o-two!" Howard pouted as he held the thermometer out to his wife. "I really <em>am</em> sick. I'm not just trying to get out of diaper duty."</p>
<p>Bernadette took the thermometer and seemed to be inspecting the digital readout herself, which he thought was a bit of an overkill, even for her. "I guess you are. But, for the record, it's just a silly little virus. It's not like you pushed two human beings out of your genitals." And there it was.</p>
<p>"But it's just a silly little diaper. It's not like you're being shot into orbit in a Russian rocket."</p>
<p>It was an old stalemate for them, but Howard stood his admittedly shaky ground. Literally shaky; he really shouldn't have gone into work today and he was exhausted.</p>
<p>"Okay, fine," Bernadette relented as she walked into the bathroom to clean the thermometer. "You go to bed and I'll take care of the kids this evening. Stuart is leaving soon."</p>
<p>As Howard turned toward the bed and the cool cotton sheets he'd fantasized about all afternoon - for a change, the sheets themselves and not what would happen between them - he said, "Thanks, Bernie."</p>
<p>"Well, the only thing worse than a sick husband is two sick babies, so I don't want you spreading your germs to them."</p>
<p>"For being you," he added as he pulled the comforter back. Fortunately, he'd immediately come home and put on his pajamas, which is how Bernadette found him and grilled him about what he thought he was doing instead of being a father. He relaxed back against his pillow with a groan, squeezing his eyes and pulling the blankets up tight around his shivering body. Hopefully, the Nyquil would kick in soon. That had been his plan B: to plead that he couldn't stay awake and functioning with Nyquil already in his system.</p>
<p>When he felt the weight of an additional blanket, he opened his eyes to see Bernadette covering him with the quilt Amy had made for them. "Poor Howie," she said softly. "Do you want to try that new medication I brought home from work last week?"</p>
<p>"The highly experimental one that you used to strip the paint off that old cabinet for the dining room?"</p>
<p>"Yes, but it's being developed as cold medication. We're calling it Phlegmovo."</p>
<p>"I think I'll pass."</p>
<p>"Okay. But the offer stands. How about I heat you up a can of chicken noodle soup?"</p>
<p>Howard managed a smile at her. He knew better than anyone that underneath that tough exterior was a sweet and caring woman. "No, thank you. I already had some."</p>
<p>"Before I got home?"</p>
<p>"No." He rearranged in bed, sitting up a little more on his pillows. "Actually, the weirdest thing happened today. Sheldon brought me soup for lunch when he heard I was sick."</p>
<p>"Huh." Bernadette considered this news. "Maybe he just knows that the only things worse than a sick engineer are two sick physicists and he didn't want you to spread your germs to them. You know how whiney Raj gets when he's sick. Although no worse than Sheldon."</p>
<p>"'No worse than Sheldon' is pretty much always implied, isn't it?" Howard asked and Bernadette smiled at him. "You're probably right; he brought it wearing a full hazmat suit, the kind with the air filter and everything."</p>
<p>"That tracks."</p>
<p>"But he - well, he said he went and asked the lunch ladies to make it special for me. That's weird, right?"</p>
<p>Bernadette pursed her lips. "Did you have a fever then, too?"</p>
<p>"Maybe. Probably. And he seemed more worried about Amy catching it than Leonard or Raj. That's weird, right? It's not like I see her every day anyway. So why even risk being . . . nice," Howard coughed over the word, "and come to my lab in the first place?"</p>
<p>"Huh."</p>
<p>"Does Amy have anything special going on?"</p>
<p>"Not that I know of."</p>
<p>Howard rubbed his forehead, which felt like it was full of Jell-O. "I can't think right now. He probably just doesn't want to take care of her when she's sick."</p>
<p>"But Amy claims he's good to her when she's sick: makes her tea, reads to her, even accidentally throws in an extra visit to second base. She told us one time she even had an orgasm when she lied and said there was a spot on her inner thigh that needed scrubbed while he was bathing her. Sheldon thought it was seizure induced by a high fever and almost called 911."</p>
<p>"Add nausea to my list of symptoms," Howard said with a wrinkled nose. "It's been happening a lot lately."</p>
<p>"Nausea? Orgasms while bathing? Because that last one is all you."</p>
<p>"No. Well, yes, I have needs. But no. Sheldon. He's been acting stranger than normal lately. But only sometimes. I mean, is somebody doing something to him -" Howard stopped. Could it be? He glanced over at Bernadette, as she sat on the edge of the bed and waited for him to finish his thought. Did she have an especially evil glint in her eyes or was that just ghosting caused by his own watery eyes?</p>
<p>"Hey, Bernie, remember a couple of months ago when you said your company was looking for volunteers for that study about some kind male birth control?"</p>
<p>"What about it?"</p>
<p>"Wasn't it some sort of . . . monthly . . . injection?" he drew the words out, his exhausted brain struggling to put the pieces together. "Sheldon wouldn't be a . . . test subject . . . would he?"</p>
<p>"Oh, Howie. You know how an NDA works. I could tell you but then I'd have to force to you drink the whole bottle of our experimental cold medicine."</p>
<p>Howard chuckled and took a long, slow blink. His body was feeling less achy and the painful shivering had stopped. "I know. It's silly anyway. Didn't you say it was only for men who were sexually active on a regular basis? I pretty sure once a year on Amy's birthday doesn't count."</p>
<p>"Exactly." Bernadette stood and turned off the bedside lamp and pulled the curtains, plunging their bedroom into soft, dim evening glow. She started to undress, to remove her work clothes and put on something more flexible and comfortable for an with evening the kids. Normally, Howard would have loved to watch her. But the medication combined with the dim caused him to close his heavy eyelids instead and listen to her rustles around the room.</p>
<p>The edges of his pain were softening, and, in that haze, he thought about Sheldon's comments about Amy. In the middle of such a contradictory event, his comments about her had seemed especially inscrutable as they seemed so out of place.</p>
<p>Honestly, Howard hadn't thought the dating website would ever find a match for Sheldon. Then, when it spit out Amy's name and profile picture, Howard assumed it was just that was the closest option, in the same way that Pluto was the close to the sun. In other words, not close at all. Because there was no way there could be two of them.</p>
<p>But there were. Instead of pulling a carefully concealed rabbit out of a hat, the world had pulled a fully-formed female Sheldon out of cyberspace. They were so much alike that, at first, he thought they'd be callus in their own ways. He believed Sheldon that they were just friends because surely neither of them had the emotional capacity to care for the other. To love the other. And yet, they had. How else could two people change for each other, slowly to be sure, but of their own free will? Howard wouldn't have traded Bernadette for the world, but there was a part of him that envied that Sheldon found his soul mate on the first try.</p>
<p>Sure, Howard had had a lot of fun in his twenties while Sheldon was a virgin, but, now that he was monogamous man, he saw monogamy for what it was: comfort and warmth and security. And everything he saw when Sheldon looked at Amy told Howard that he had found the same with her.</p>
<p>"I mean," Bernadette suddenly continued their previous thread of conversation, "I know Amy said she let Sheldon make a schedule, but I doubt it's more than quarterly. Right?"</p>
<p>"Riigggghhht," Howard murmured as he slipped off to sleep, not even sure to what he was agreeing, the last thing Bernadette said to him lost in the fog of slumber and NyQuil.</p>
<p>
  <em>To be continued . . .</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>Thank you in advance for your reviews!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leonard glanced down at his watch and put a little extra speed in his walk. He didn't want to be late. Amy ran her lab like a German train schedule (Sheldon's words) which was one of the reasons she was both one of the most brilliant scientists of the age (Sheldon's words) and also the reason the faint red glow from the digital clock on the wall was so flattering to her skin (obviously Sheldon's words). Leonard would just have said she could be a pill if someone was late, which, not for the first time, made Leonard wonder how she and Penny had become so close.</p>
<p>But Leonard stopped short of her laboratory door when he saw Sheldon exiting and closing it behind him. It was an odd time of day for Sheldon to visit Amy's lab; the couple had taken to the occasional lunch together in one of their offices, but it was only ten in the morning. Had he also agreed to participate in Amy's new sensory input study? He hadn't mentioned it.</p>
<p>Before he could ask, it was Sheldon who spoke, "Ah, Leonard. How are you this fine morn, my good sir?"</p>
<p>"Um." Leonard's eyebrows could not sink fast enough. Was Sheldon wearing his koala face? "Okay. Not really any different than I was two hours ago. 'Fine morn?' What's up with the Shakespeare?"</p>
<p>"Did you not notice on your walk over? The birds are singing and the sun is shining and there is nary a cloud in the bright blue dome above we call the sky."</p>
<p>"Uhhhhh . . ." Leonard's eyebrows could not sink low enough. "Um, yeah, but it's southern California, so, yeah." He tried a different tactic. "Are you a subject for Amy's sensory study?"</p>
<p>"Oh, no. I skew the results too much." Sheldon shrugged. "It is but one of the burdens of my superiority."</p>
<p>At least <em>that</em> sounded more like the narcissist that Leonard knew. "Sure. So then what brings you over in the middle of this fine morn?"</p>
<p>"Oh, that." Sheldon pawed his hand in the air. "I was looking at my phone and it made me realize that perhaps Amy needed some encouragement for her work today. She told me she has an especially difficult group of subjects lined up, and I thought some moral support would not be remiss." He leaned in closer and lowered his voice. "I heard the ten o'clock subject is a real doozy. And look, he's already late!" Then he backed up, as though he had realized something. "Wait, what are you doing here? Did you also come to lend a metaphoric hand to Amy's emotional and professional well-being?"</p>
<p>"Something like that," Leonard grumbled.</p>
<p>"Well, then, go in. Although I doubt she needs you now. I just spent the most delightful ten minutes with my beautiful wife, providing succor as only I can." A thought flashed through Leonard's mind, no doubt the product of a lengthy friendship with Howard, but he quickly dismissed it. No, this was Sheldon. "I hope it is enough to sustain her until this evening when I can provide her with a truly relaxing experience to ease the tensions of the day."</p>
<p>Could he - Nope. Still Sheldon. And Leonard should go in. This strange conversation had already made him late, and that would certainly be added to the list of grievances Amy had against her 'real doozy' of a ten o'clock subject. But first, one quick thing.</p>
<p>"Listen, I'm glad I ran into you. I need some help with some equations I'm working on. Do you think you could stop by my lab this afternoon and help me figure them out?"</p>
<p>"Oh, dear." Sheldon frowned. "I had planned to isolate myself for super asymmetry this afternoon, so I had some real progress on a revision to share with Amy over dinner. It provides the most stimulating conversation, as you might imagine. I've found stimulation followed by relaxation to be an especially winning combination." Then he straightened his shoulders as though struck by an idea. "Why don't you ask Kripke?"</p>
<p>"Kripke?" Leonard couldn't even close his mouth after the word. "You're suggesting Barry Kripke?"</p>
<p>"Why not?" Sheldon asked. "He's a theoretical physicist. He's employed by one of the preeminent research universities in the world. You know, Leonard, he has a sharp mind if you'd only give him a chance."</p>
<p>Leonard just gaped at his lanky friend.</p>
<p>"Problem solved. I'll see you at lunch?" Sheldon turned and walked away, and Leonard could only stare after him as he whistled - whistled! - down the hallway.</p>
<p>What was <em>that</em>? Sheldon had been a completely different person than he had been earlier in the morning when he was cranky and officious. So, normal. "Maybe the answer is behind door number one," Leonard mumbled as he knocked softly on Amy's lab door and then opened it.</p>
<p>"You're late," Amy barked from her desk.</p>
<p>"It's Sheldon's fault. I ran into him in the hallway," Leonard tried to defend himself. "Is he, um, a subject, too?" Hopefully, Amy hadn't overheard Leonard already ask Sheldon the same question just outside her lab.</p>
<p>"Oh, no," Amy glanced at him, "Sheldon has an especially sensitive set of sensory processing nerves and he skews all the data. Do you know he can hear me tearing off a piece of Scotch tape from across the hallway and just the thought makes his fingers red and itchy?"</p>
<p>"Actually, yeah, I did." Leonard chuckled. Maybe he could share a little antidote with Amy to convince her that he wasn't a 'real doozy' after all. "If you ever need him to stay out of a room, wrap the tape around the doorknob but still leave it attached to the dispenser so he knows what it is. It's <em>way</em> more effective than a sock ever was."</p>
<p>Amy looked at him over the top of her glasses. "Oh, it's going to be an hour of you making fun of my husband."</p>
<p>Okay, maybe that was the wrong tactic. "I'm not making fun of him. I'm sharing a useful tip. Friend to friend."</p>
<p>"For my potential - and entirely fictional - future adultery."</p>
<p>"No! No. For whatever it is you want to do in the bedroom alone."</p>
<p><em>Oh no.</em> That was the wrong thing to say. Leonard closed his eyes and waited for it to come.</p>
<p>"Is that a sarcastic jab that supposes that my husband cannot sexually satisfy his wife?"</p>
<p>"Of course not!"</p>
<p>"Good, because my lady parts are very satisfied."</p>
<p>Trying to ignore everything about that, Leonard stepped closer. "Listen, I'm sorry, Amy. I love Sheldon. I worry about him when he's . . ." <em>Don't say cheerful. Do. Not. Say. Happy.</em> ". . . Anytime he seems out of sorts."</p>
<p>That made Amy get up, the line of worry appearing at the top of her nose. "Do you think he's out of sorts?"</p>
<p>"Well, he just suggested I ask Kripke for a second opinion on some equations, sooooo, maybe?"</p>
<p>"Hmmm." Amy straightened her lab coat. "If he weren't in the middle of the biggest breakthrough of his career, I might agree. But I know he's busy and overburdened with something far more important than whatever it is you're working on."</p>
<p>Leonard wanted to point out that he wasn't too busy to waste time in the middle of the morning to walk across campus and quote Shakespeare to his wife. Why? What was it he said? Something on his phone made him think of her? He also wanted to point out that Amy had no idea what he was working on, and it could be more important than anything either she or Sheldon were studying.</p>
<p>But Amy interrupted his thoughts. "Speaking of busy, I have a full day of these preliminary tests, so we should get started."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Okay, good, he's gone," Leonard said, leaning forward over the cafeteria table as he watched Sheldon's back disappear through the swinging doors.</p>
<p>"Wow, I know we always think that but don't you think it's a little cruel to say it out loud?" Howard asked.</p>
<p>Leonard shook his head. "No, what I meant is - I mean have you guys noticed - Does Sheldon seem different to you since he got married?"</p>
<p>"Not really," Raj shrugged.</p>
<p>"Don't you think sometimes it seems like he has something else on his mind?" Leonard pressed.</p>
<p>"Well, there's super asymmetry. He talks about that a lot. Maybe that's it," Howard suggested.</p>
<p>"No, not that." Leonard paused. "I don't know how else to say it other than sometimes . . . I mean periodically - something is unusual about him. Like today, out the blue, he told me Kripke has a sharp mind."</p>
<p>"Oh." "Hum." "Yeah, maybe." "I can see it." Leonard waited for his friends to catch up with him before he continued, "So is the bigger question when or what?"</p>
<p>"When? Like when did it start?" Howard asked. "I thought he was super uptight before his wedding."</p>
<p>"Of course he was!" Raj interjected. "It was the most romantic, most important day of his life and it was pretty stressful."</p>
<p>"Raj is probably right," Leonard grudgingly agreed. "It was a big event, there was that whole thing with his brother. Okay, so after. Remember when he flipped out at Stuart at the comic book store that one time?"</p>
<p>Raj said, "You'll have to narrow that down."</p>
<p>"Good point," Leonard conceded. Then he thought of something. "Remember when I told you he was late to meet me for our astronomy sleepover? Late! By like ten whole minutes!"</p>
<p>"Okay, maybe. That is kind of unusual for a man who has a bathroom schedule," Howard agreed. "So that's when it started?"</p>
<p>"Maybe. I feel like there was something else, but I can't put my finger on it. Like I'm forgetting something."</p>
<p>"Maybe we should focus on what the problem is first," Raj suggested.</p>
<p>Howard started to stand, "Nope. I'm out. He's Amy's problem now."</p>
<p>"Really, you're going to turn your back on your friend who brought you soup when you were sick?" Raj asked.</p>
<p>"He was wearing a hazmat suit. Not exactly comforting."</p>
<p>Leonard looked up at him. "But you've seen it, too. You pointed it out first, if I remember correctly."</p>
<p>"Maybe. But, again, it's Amy's problem. We've spent years babysitting him; let her do it now. Besides," Howard pointed out, sitting back down, "if whatever it is only makes him just a little bit nicer, how is that a bad thing? Why do we need to solve it?"</p>
<p>"What if he's sick? Like dementia?" Raj asked. "Sudden changes in personality can be a symptom of a neurological condition."</p>
<p>Howard shook his head. "I think it's more likely to be the virus mutation that causes zombies. And neurological is <em>definitely</em> Amy's problem."</p>
<p>"I was actually wondering if it was Amy," Leonard said. "Since it started around the wedding. We think."</p>
<p>"It's true love," Raj said. "It makes you do crazy things."</p>
<p>"Like order a bride from your father?" Howard asked.</p>
<p>Leonard bit his lip, ignoring the bickering that broke out between his two friends. Was Raj correct? Leonard had seen the way Sheldon looked at Amy as she came down the aisle toward him. The way they both looked when they exchanged vows. When they smiled at each other. When they exchanged bizarre non sequesters in the middle of a group conversation that no one else understood. When they discussed super asymmetry.</p>
<p>At first, Leonard had disliked Amy. He blamed Howard for her presence. He thought Sheldon needed someone to temper him, to bring him down a notch or a thousand to make him bearable, not someone just as weird and narcissistic as him that would only serve to fill his head with more egotistical thoughts. And he found Amy, even by herself, a strange and infuriating person, always saying the wrong thing, always pressing in uncomfortable ways.</p>
<p>But then something happened. Slowly, gradually, Amy pressed against Sheldon. Her strangeness confused him but intrigued him. Her infuriating habits angered him but forced him to examine his own. Her wrong things challenged him in all the right ways. She made him comfortable in a world that was uncomfortable for them both.</p>
<p>Maybe it was because Sheldon was his best friend, but Leonard started to see the good in Amy, too. He'd even spent a few hours of quality time alone with her himself and found several things to appreciate about her. Yes, she could still be strange and abrasive, just like she had been earlier, but her concern for Sheldon could not be denied. Even with the brief, hesitant mention of Leonard's unease about his interaction with her husband that morning, Amy instantly came to attention, her faced etched with care.</p>
<p>Sheldon had said he was there to succor Amy. That wasn't a word one heard anymore. Without a doubt, Leonard knew he did not mean sex. Sheldon was bringing Amy relief. Support from what she thought would be a time of distress. He came to attention for her, too, his actions etched with care.</p>
<p>Wasn't that what marriage was? What marriage should be? Gah! What if Sheldon was better at this marriage thing than Leonard was? No. There was no way that was possible. Leonard was going to go home and give Penny a foot rub tonight.</p>
<p>"Maybe you're right," Leonard mumbled and then changed the subject.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Leonard watched as Penny's blonde head lolled on the arm of the sofa, her beautiful face soft and relaxed. "So, Leonard, not that I'm not thrilled by this, but what brought it on?"</p>
<p>He applied firmer pressure to the arch of her foot and watched her eyes close in bliss. "I just got thinking today that maybe it had been too long since I'd taken care of you. You know, gave you relief from those high heels you wear. Gave you the attention you deserve."</p>
<p>"What about all those years you spent longing for me from across the hall? That was a lot of attention."</p>
<p>"Maybe. But I mean since we've been married. I don't know, I just thought, isn't that was a good marriage should be? Shouldn't it make me a better, happier man?"</p>
<p>Penny shifted on her end of the couch and struggled to sit up without spilling her glass of wine. "Leonard, what's going on?"</p>
<p>Letting her foot go, his shoulders fell. "I guess I'm worried that Sheldon is a better husband than me."</p>
<p>She laughed. Penny belly laughed at him! Then, snorting as she covered her mouth and got control of herself, she said, "Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry. You really <em>are</em> worried. What's going on? Has something happened?"</p>
<p>With a sigh, Leonard told her the story about finding Sheldon at Amy's laboratory and the strange conversation they'd had. Of course, he left out the bits that implied he was a difficult test subject.</p>
<p>"I thought Sheldon acting weird was normal for him. It's why you were so happy when he moved out," was Penny's reply.</p>
<p>"Well, yeah," he admitted, "but, you know, he's my best friend. For whatever reason. Anyway, if something's wrong . . . Have you noticed anything unusual?"</p>
<p>"No. I haven't. Sheldon and Amy are happy doing math or whatever their marriage is made of, and a happy Sheldon and Amy mean a happy all of us."</p>
<p>"Really? Nothing? Has Amy said anything?"</p>
<p>"Listen, this thing you think you see, whatever it is, does it result in Sheldon storming over here without knocking and then either complaining or trying to get us involved in a scheme?" She looked pointedly at him as she asked.</p>
<p>"Well, when you put it that way, no."</p>
<p>"Or does it make Amy so mad she comes stomping over here to complain about Sheldon and try to get us involved in her revenge?"</p>
<p>Leonard pouted in defeat. "No."</p>
<p>"Exactly. So there's not a problem. I know it's rare enough that it makes your head spin, but Sheldon has done nice things in the past. Remember when I dislocated my shoulder?" Leonard nodded. "And especially for Amy? I mean, he gave up his virginity for her and I thought that would never happen. He gave up <em>Star Wars</em> for it! If he's happy and Amy's happy, why shouldn't we be happy for them and just leave it alone?"</p>
<p>"Because Sheldon was happy when he brought home twenty-five cats, too."</p>
<p>"No, he wasn't," Penny said. "That was an over-reaction to his broken heart. He was so busy denying it, he became obsessed with something else. You knew it, too; it's why you called his mom."</p>
<p>"That's true," Leonard agreed. "If there were something Sheldon didn't want to face, he'd be talking about something else unrelated all the time."</p>
<p>"All he talks about now is how focused Amy is on her own study."</p>
<p>Leonard leaned forward and smacked his forehead with his palm. "I can't believe I didn't see it."</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"He's still devastated that about that Russian paper I found. He's acting all chipper, but he's really over-compensating for his broken heart by making a fuss over Amy. Amy is the twenty-five cats! Again, but like in reverse."</p>
<p>"At least she poops in a toilet." Penny smiled at him. "I think it's sweet. He's your best friend and you're worried. And you're probably right, he's upset about the paper. Wouldn't you be? You were upset just to tell him about it. But he has Amy now, right? To help take care of him? Unless it gets worse, let it go."</p>
<p>"Okay. But if he does something strange again, can I ask you to try to talk to Amy about it? To find out if she knows anything?"</p>
<p>Penny flopped back on the sofa and wiggled her foot in Leonard's lap, the last dregs of wine in her glass almost toppling over the rim. "If I say yes, will you keep going?"</p>
<p>
  <em>To be continued . . .</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Thank you in advance for your reviews!</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So, between <em>Aquaman</em> and <em>Mortal Engines</em>, which we still haven't seen, it seems like tonight is the best for <em>Bumblebee</em>."</p>
<p>All four of them murmured their agreement. Raj looked over as Sheldon pulled out his phone, no doubt to research movie times; as he was the pickiest, they usually let him give the first suggestion. But just before he used his thumb to unlock his phone, it emitted a shaky, rattling, almost tinny noise. Raj noticed how hard he pressed down to silence it.</p>
<p>"What was that?" Raj asked.</p>
<p>"I didn't hear anything," Sheldon said.</p>
<p>"I did," Howard volunteered. "New text tone, Sheldon?"</p>
<p>"No. You must have heard something else. My Vulcan hearing would have picked up on a new ring tone."</p>
<p>As he leaned back with a grin, Leonard said, "Hmm, then why are your Vulcan ears so red?"</p>
<p>"Um, um - " His whole face was starting to turn red now. Raj couldn't help but stare in wonder. "- Alright, fine. It's, um, <em>Tambourine Man</em>."</p>
<p>Howard scoffed. "Which has no tambourines in it because the title is a coded phrase for drug use, not the musical instrument."</p>
<p>Sheldon lowered his phone. "What? And they gave that man a Nobel Prize!"</p>
<p>"I have to admit I didn't think you knew who Bob Dylan was," Raj said.</p>
<p>"Amy always makes it a point to read a book by the winner for the prize for literature. Unfortunately, that habit meant I had to spend a month in the autumn of 2016 listening to hippy music. I suggested she just read the lyrics, but she said no, that was inadequate."</p>
<p>Leonard's eyebrows screwed up. "But you forgot there were no tambourines in <em>Tambourine Man</em>?"</p>
<p>"It's not like I pay any attention to her silly whims, Leonard." Sheldon cleared his throat. "Speaking of, um, Amy's whims, I did notice on my phone, um, calendar, that I can't do a movie this evening after all."</p>
<p>"What?" Raj protested. "It took us forever to find a date to work. Between all the new movies out this time of year and the holiday celebrations, you know how difficult it is!"</p>
<p>"I know. But, um, I forgot that tonight is - was - well, Amy and I are scheduled for something else. Believe me, gentlemen, I didn't expect it. After all, it's been less than two week since her b -" He stopped mid-sentence and stood, grabbing the edge of his tray. "You know, I actually need time to prepare."</p>
<p>Without waiting for their replies, Sheldon left the cafeteria and they all turned to watch him leave, each with their mouth slightly open.</p>
<p>"What was that?" Howard finally asked.</p>
<p>"See, I told you!" Leonard said, turning sharply back to them.</p>
<p>"He was lying, right?" Howard said.</p>
<p>But Leonard shook his head, his eyebrows deep and bushy. "About the new ring tone? Definitely. But having plans with Amy? I don't think so. It's so . . . weird."</p>
<p>Raj picked up his fork and stabbed at his salad. "Why is having plans with your wife weird? Isn't that the point of marriage?"</p>
<p>"Um, haven't you noticed the whole point of going out to a movie is <em>not</em> to have plans with our wives?" Howard asked. "Once you and Anu tie the knot, you'll see."</p>
<p>Raj didn't answer. It still seemed so strange to think of himself married to anyone, including Anu. But, in just a few short weeks, he would be. Was Howard correct? Would he be finding excuses to stay away from her, any excuse at all? Although he still had reservations about this arranged marriage, he was determined to make it work. He was determined to fall in love with Anu, and avoidance didn't seem like love to him. "I thought the whole point," he said, "was to see the origin story of a Volkswagen Beetle that turns into a robot. Not to avoid and hide from the love of your lives."</p>
<p>"Of course not," Leonard said. "Howard is just joking. Right, Howard?"</p>
<p>Howard shrugged when Raj gave him a pointed look. "Sure. You know I am. You'll want to spend every waking second with Anu. So, Sheldon?"</p>
<p>"We have to find out what their plans are," Leonard said with so much certainty it was clear he'd been thinking about it. "I had thought Penny could help us, but since it seems we only have this afternoon, someone else needs to go talk to Amy."</p>
<p>"Raj!" Howard called.</p>
<p>"Why me?!"</p>
<p>"Because you and Amy have done stuff together before. You know, like pick out matching sweaters to wear."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Raj stepped into the doorway and stopped. Amy's back was to him as she worked, so he knocked softly to avoid startling her. "Amy?"</p>
<p>She looked over her shoulder and, when her eyes made contact, she smiled. "Hello, Rajesh. What brings you over to my lab?"</p>
<p>"Oh, you know." He shrugged and put his hands into his pockets as he walked closer to her. She was busy pulling off her rubber gloves. "I guess I just wanted to see what you were doing this evening."</p>
<p>"Well," she replied, setting the gloves aside and swiveling in her chair, "it's a Monday and <em>Arrow </em>is on tonight, so Sheldon will watch that while I read or pretend to be interested, however I feel at the moment. Why?"</p>
<p>"Nothing else you can think of?"</p>
<p>Amy looked down slightly. "No, I don't think so." Suddenly, she raised her eyebrows. "Wait, am I forgetting something? Do we have plans? Where's my phone?"</p>
<p>"No, no," Raj said quickly to stop her from rummaging around for it. "We don't have plans. I was just wondering if you knew if Sheldon did, what he was doing tonight."</p>
<p>"Sheldon? He won't help cook tonight because I'm making spanakopita and he refuses to touch any raw sheep's milk, then we'll eat it. But if Sheldon doesn't help cook, he has to load the dishwasher. Sometimes he works at his whiteboard or we watch something on Netflix together, but once <em>Arrow</em> comes on, that takes priority."</p>
<p>A small curiosity bubbled up. "Even if you don't watch, do you sit next to each other? I mean, when you read or knit or whatever?"</p>
<p>Amy's face shone as she answered the question. "Oh, I rarely miss the chance to sit next to Sheldon during a superhero show. If it gets real tense, he'll grab my hand."</p>
<p>"So a pretty normal Monday evening?" Raj prodded again, remembering his task. "He'll be home, just hanging out with you?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Are you saying you <em>want</em> to do something this evening? With us or just with Sheldon or just me with Sheldon out of the way?" Raj really couldn't blame her for looking so confused. "Depending on what you had in mind, we could probably make it work."</p>
<p>"Oh, you know what? I just forgot I can't do anything tonight either." Raj tried to back out slowly, so it didn't look like he came unprepared to be questioned just as he was questioning her. "It's the night I give Cinnamon a bath and then brush her one hundred times to keep her coat nice and shiny."</p>
<p>"Um, okay. Maybe next time?" Amy called after him.</p>
<p>"Yes, yes, absolutely," Raj replied just before he sprinted down the hallway.</p>
<p>Once he was back in the safety of his office, he took out his phone and replied to a group text. <em>Whatever it is, Amy doesn't know anything about it.</em></p>
<hr/>
<p>"Who's the prettiest princess in the whole wide world?" Raj cooed.</p>
<p>Cinnamon licked his hand in response. "That's right. Daddy's pretty little princess. Hold still, let me tie this."</p>
<p>Once the new pink bow was tied between her ears, Raj petted her a few times. He started by smoothing his palm over the clean and shiny fur. Then, once she started a little dance with her front paws, he gave in and scratched her under the chin. With a satisfied smile, he stood to open the bathroom door. Cinnamon ran out, but he finished cleaning the bathroom and putting the supplies away before he joined her on the sofa.</p>
<p>His new apartment may have been tiny, but Cinnamon had adapted well to the move. Raj felt so happy to have at least one constant in his life after all the upheavals of late. She even liked Bert on the few times he made his way up to the apartment, although Raj was always worried when he saw them next to each other that Bert would step on her.</p>
<p>"Ah, Cinnamon," he said as he picked up the remote control, "at least you'll always be my girl, won't you?"</p>
<p>She thumped her tail. Raj flipped the channels until he saw a snippet of <em>Arrow</em> and he stopped. The show that Amy said Sheldon was especially set on watching tonight. But that didn't explain anything about Sheldon's strange behavior at lunch. Except for the few nights of reruns, <em>Arrow</em> was on weekly, not the more lengthy spans between occurrences of Sheldon's odd behavior that Leonard had pointed out to them.</p>
<p>"Sheldon was acting strange again today," he explained to Cinnamon.</p>
<p>She tilted her head and stared at him.</p>
<p>"Okay, okay, I know we said Sheldon couldn't be more strange, but then, you know what, he was." Raj picked up Cinnamon and put her on his lap, stroking her fur as he told her about the events in the cafeteria and the conversation with Amy that followed. At the end of his story, he sighed. "I know Howard and Leonard think I'm a big softie, but I think it's sweet that Sheldon was so eager to spend the evening with Amy. I mean, that's got to be it, right? I don't think a new episode of <em>Arrow</em> would make me run out of the room, but he was just so excited to be with her, sitting on the sofa next to her. And you should have seen her face when she talked about holding his hand."</p>
<p>Accepting little wet kisses from his dog on his hand, Raj smiled down at her even as his shoulders fell. Isn't that what marriage should be? An eagerness for even the simplest things, like sitting together on the sofa and discussing one's day? Cinnamon was a listener, but it was hardly a two-way conversation. And Anu was . . . Well, Anu was . . . He wasn't sure yet.</p>
<p>No, that wasn't true; Anu was confident and practical and not given to romantic flights of fancy. Dating had once been a flight of fancy for Raj. So fun and light-hearted. He had even used it as a joke on Sheldon. Why not register him for a dating website without his knowledge and then blackmail him into going on a date with his match? He didn't think they'd fall in love. At the time Raj wasn't sure <em>he'd</em> ever fall in love.</p>
<p>But then the years went by and everything changed and too often Raj was . . . lonely. Cinnamon helped in her way, but, again, she wasn't a great conversationalist. It was different. When, exactly, had Raj gone from making fun of Sheldon's love-life to envying him? He'd gone from mocking a system that could find a match for anyone from a questionnaire to betting his entire future happiness on just such a thing. The only difference was that Raj had used his father. And if he'd have to give up the light-hearted joys of romance, well, that was more reasonable, wasn't it? That was the stuff of romcoms, not reality. Anu was his reality, not his fantasy.</p>
<p>"That sounds bad," he murmured to Cinnamon, scratching her behind her ears. "I don't mean it that way. I just mean that I'm sure Anu will turn out to be as perfect of a match for me as Amy is for Sheldon. They believe in nothing but reality, and see how well it worked for them?"</p>
<p>Sheldon and Amy had taught him there was someone for everyone in this world, one just had to keep looking, even in places you won't have thought to look before. It wasn't about sex and romance, although Raj, of course, enjoyed both. Look at Sheldon and Amy! It hadn't been about either for them, at all, for years. And even now it seemed that sex remained the last thing on their minds. Romance, though, that was different. Amy had shared with him, more than once, about a romantic thing Sheldon had done for her. Never mind that Raj didn't find them romantic in the least, the glow on Amy's face told him that she did and that's all that mattered to her. To them.</p>
<p>"I'm not as worried about Sheldon as Leonard," Raj told Cinnamon. The wonderful thing about a canine listening partner was that she didn't seem to notice or mind when Raj skipped around from topic to topic or even double-backed to something he said previously. "Maybe he's just being romantic. Maybe he's researching the next, best quilting pattern on Pinterest for Amy. Wait, does Sheldon even know what Pinterest is?"</p>
<p>Cinnamon sat up and howled. Actually howled, her head thrown back and her snout in the air with her jaw parted. Raj chuckled. "What's that, Princess? What's got you all worked up?"</p>
<p>Then she did it again and Raj laughed again, messing her newly cleaned and brushed fur with affection. "My little werewolf. You think you're so vicious. Giving you a bath always brings out the pretty, pretty werewolf in you. Yes, it does. Yes, it does." Raj scratched her under the chin in the way she liked. "Wait, that's it!" he suddenly exclaimed. "Maybe Sheldon is turning into some sort of reverse werewolf! Just like you, he's extra happy. Well, maybe just plain happy and nice, since Sheldon's no Cinnamon Princess, is he? Is he?"</p>
<p>And Raj lowered his face for a kiss from his true love.</p>
<p>
  <em>To be continued . . .</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>Thank you in advance for your reviews!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Knock, knock, knock. "Penny and Bernadette!"<br/>Knock, knock, knock. "Penny and Bernadette!"<br/>Knock, knock, knock. "Penny and Bernadette!"</p>
<p>The two women in question locked eyes over their wine glasses, the mutual questions unspoken but clear on each other's face. Penny shrugged, and then Bernadette sighed and heaved herself off of the sofa.</p>
<p>"Sheldon?" she asked as she opened the door to Penny's lanky neighbor. "Since when do you knock on this door?" That was the first question. It was no secret than neither Sheldon nor Amy felt the need to knock on Leonard and Penny's door, apparently considering it some sort of right to enter at all times by virtue of Sheldon's previous roommate status. She'd heard Penny grumble about it more than once, although why they didn't start locking their door remained a mystery.</p>
<p>"Honestly, I'm not certain what happens during a Girls' Night, but if your husband is to be believed, it may involve nude tickle fights," Sheldon offered.</p>
<p>"Why don't you ask Amy? Do you really think she'd be involved in nude tickle fights with us?" Bernadette stepped aside for him to enter. There was no use denying him entry; if Sheldon Cooper wanted to bother you and interrupt you he would, so it was easier to just go along with it.</p>
<p>"Well, Amy enjoys physically torturing me when I'm nude, so it's a possibility."</p>
<p>Before Bernadette could reply, Penny piped up from the sofa, "I thought you were going out to watch the new <em>Fast and The Furious</em> movie with the guys." Question number two.</p>
<p>"Please. If I wanted to see grown men desperately fighting to win something they can't have via overcompensation before everything blows up in their faces, I'd relive my memories of Leonard trying to woe you."</p>
<p>Penny just shook her head in reply, so Bernadette asked the next question, "Amy's still at work?"</p>
<p>"Yes, poor thing. The head of Caltech IT is in her lab now, and they still can't figure out what the problem is."</p>
<p>Amy had to cancel on their Girls' Night due to losing all the data from her most current study when her desktop tower literally caught on fire earlier in the day, flames and all. "But surely she made back-ups?" Bernadette prodded. "That's just standard research protocol."</p>
<p>"Oh, yes, of course. Nightly. But the fire caused an electrical short that has damaged some of her interfaces, and they can't get any of her computers to recognize the external hard drives."</p>
<p>"Yikes," Penny said, standing. "You're a genius. Why aren't you helping?"</p>
<p>"Theoretical physics and information technology are not the same things."</p>
<p>"She told you to buzz off, huh?" Penny asked.</p>
<p>"No," Sheldon said, "she told me to stop texting my suggestions and that's entirely different. Anyway, that's why I'm here."</p>
<p>"We don't need your texts," Bernadette said, perhaps too quickly. She'd once texted Sheldon about something and spent the next two days trying to extricate herself from the thread.</p>
<p>"I was hoping to raid your pantry, Penny. I thought I'd make Amy a home-cooked meal for when she returns."</p>
<p>"Aww, that's nice. But don't you have food?"</p>
<p>Sheldon shook his head. "Tomorrow is grocery day, so we're out of fresh produce. And I wanted it to be something more special than what's in our freezer."</p>
<p>"Well, um, I guess."</p>
<p>Bernadette and Penny turned to watch Sheldon open every cabinet, mumble something to himself, and then close it.</p>
<p>"When are you going to tell him you don't have a pantry?" Bernadette asked. "Or that you don't eat vegetables?"</p>
<p>"Shhh! I'm waiting to see how long it takes him to remember."</p>
<p>Just then, Sheldon pulled something out of the refrigerator with a noise of delight. "Whatcha got there?" Penny called.</p>
<p>"Just butter. Amy likes butter," Sheldon explained as he shut the door.</p>
<p>"Why don't you make her homemade butter? You've done it before," Bernadette asked.</p>
<p>"No, never again," Sheldon said with such force that the memory of what had happened came back to them all at once and both Bernadette and Penny said, "Oh, yeah, right."</p>
<p>"I think there's half a bag of Bagel Bites in the freezer," Penny offered.</p>
<p>Sheldon shook his head. "No, there's nothing worthwhile here. What I need is someone to drive me to the grocery store."</p>
<p><em>Oh, no,</em> thought Bernadette. Up until now, Sheldon's little interruption of Girls' Night had been just that: little. And distracting if not borderline amusing. But Sheldon demanding someone put their plans on hold to cater to his whims? No, it just too much.</p>
<p>"Not me," Penny said, throwing her arm up. "I've already had three <em>huge</em> glasses of wine and no food."</p>
<p>"May I suggest some Bagel Bites?" Sheldon asked.</p>
<p>"Bernadette can do it!"</p>
<p>She almost spit out the sip she was taking from her glass. "What? Me? Look, I'm drinking wine without Bagel Bites, too."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but you'll be sipping that first of glass all night. You won't drink anymore because you're breast-feeding, remember?" Penny said.</p>
<p>"You don't know that," Bernadette protested. "I'll pump and dump."</p>
<p>"No, you won't. You told me Michael is extra sensitive; that you have to dump a whole day's worth if you drink too much and it just isn't worth it."</p>
<p>"Hey! That was private -"</p>
<p>"You even called him your baby breathalyzer."</p>
<p>"You're a mean drunk!" Bernadette shot back.</p>
<p>"But I'm also the drunk who isn't driving Sheldon to the grocery store," Penny said with a grin, gulping down the last of her fourth glass of wine.</p>
<p>"Now, ladies, there's no need for that," Sheldon said, and Bernadette turned to see him walking toward them with a plate of Bagel Bites. Had he been microwaving and listening to them the whole time? "Penny, you're not a mean drunk, just an honest one. Now, sit back down and eat these simple carbohydrates before you consume anymore alcohol. You should have started with food, you know."</p>
<p>Bernadette watched as he steered their friend toward the sofa, handing her the plate and large glass of water, even unfolding a napkin over her lap. "Now, Bernadette," he said as he picked up the empty bottle of wine from the coffee table, "I think lactation, while disgusting to contemplate for too long, is an incredibly selfless thing for any woman to undertake for months on end, and I, for one, applaud your sensitivity to your child's needs even when it interferes with your desires. I know I haven't told you this before, but you're a wonderful mother."</p>
<p>He reached and took her almost-empty wine glass from her hand and carried it to the kitchen, which was a good thing as her hand had gone limp in surprise. Bernadette stared, speechless, as Sheldon washed and dried the wine glasses and rinsed the wine bottle out before putting it in the recycling bin. After he dried his hands, he came back to the living room. Penny was too busy eating one Bagel Bite after another, so he looked at Bernadette. "You're correct. I could learn something from you. You're already devoting your time and your body to caring for others; I'll find something in our freezer to heat up for Amy when she gets home." He turned and looked at Penny. "Have a wonderful evening, ladies."</p>
<p>With a smile, Sheldon left the apartment, leaving compliments and necessary carbohydrates in his wake.</p>
<p>"What was that?" Bernadette looked over at Penny, who was licking her fingers one-by-one above her empty plate. "Oh, for goodness sakes, he gave you napkin!"</p>
<p>As she reached for the napkin, Penny shrugged. "Leonard said he's been doing that, acting extra-weird sometimes."</p>
<p>Now that she mentioned it, Bernadette remembered Howard saying something similar. But this was the first time she'd witnessed it. "Do you think he's just trying to manipulate us to get his way?" she asked.</p>
<p>"Maybe. But it seems different somehow, doesn't it?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, it does." She sighed. By all accounts, Amy was having a rotten day. Sheldon was trying to be helpful. And Penny would probably be snoring soon. Making a decision, Bernadette walked to the door and reached for her purse and keys. "Well, I'm going to find out."</p>
<p>"So, whatever it is, it's working?" Penny asked, already stretching out on the sofa.</p>
<p>"Yep."</p>
<hr/>
<p>He was unusually quiet on the drive. No fun facts, no annoying car games, just another thank you and then silence.</p>
<p>"Bad timing with Amy's computer issues, huh?" Bernadette asked, breaking the silence.</p>
<p>"I don't think there's ever a good time for the computer in one's laboratory to revolt," Sheldon said.</p>
<p>"Well, no, of course not." She frowned at his sharp words, but somehow that lessened the strange silence because at least it was a normal Sheldon thing to say. "I meant Girls' Night. And you being out of food."</p>
<p>"Yes, the timing is unfortunate in too many ways."</p>
<p>His sigh was so deep, Bernadette used the opportunity of the stop sign to look over at him. "Are you okay, Sheldon?"</p>
<p>"I'm just concerned about Amy. And if she'll really leave work at nine, no matter what, as she said. And how fatigued she will be. What her desires might be - I mean, for food. I don't like unknowns. It's - it's a disruption."</p>
<p>It was an odd word choice, as if Sheldon had something else planned for nine o'clock in the middle of the week, on a night with a scheduled Girls' Night, no less. But, again, odd was good for Sheldon. "Well, sure it is, but I think you're doing the right thing, making her a nice meal. I'm sure she'll appreciate the effort."</p>
<p>"And I appreciate you driving me. Thank you."</p>
<p>"Please, stop thanking me. It's getting freaky." Bernadette paused. "What are you going to make her?"</p>
<p>"When Amy cooks, she favors Italian cuisine. But I want to make her something else so that it will feel special. I was thinking, as she's an Anglophile, that Shepard's pie might be comforting but not too heavy or spicy. I don't want her to feel bloated or gassy. Not tonight."</p>
<p>"That's . . . thoughtful." Bernadette was saved from further speculation about any possible indigestion by their arrival at the store. As she waited while Sheldon inspected and cleaned a cart, she marveled at how he had manipulated events so that she got stuck taking him shopping once again, all while maintaining an air of sincerity and innocence.</p>
<p>But Sheldon surprised her this time. He was a man on a mission, treading with purpose from produce to the meat counter to the refrigerated section to the freezer for chocolate ice cream for dessert. When he did fret, it was all with Amy in mind; would even the thin skins on the petit Yukon Gold potatoes get stuck between her teeth? Should he take the time to peel traditional Idaho spuds? Carmel or hot fudge sauce?</p>
<p>And then, just before the checkout, he surprised her further by stopping in front of the floral display. "Do one of these just scream 'I'm sorry Y2K arrived nineteen years late and in your office' to you?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Um, no. But the purple ones are pretty," she answered.</p>
<p>"Oh! These!" Sheldon reached forward for a mixed bouquet that included the palest pink of roses. "They look like her wedding bouquet."</p>
<p>Even as she batted the uncomfortable dampness out of her eyes, Bernadette knew something was very, very different about Sheldon.</p>
<hr/>
<p>"How was the movie?" Bernadette asked.</p>
<p>"Huh? I didn't hear you," Howard called from the bathroom.</p>
<p>Cursing the noise of her breast pump - along with just about everything else about it - Bernadette yelled, "I said, how as the movie?"</p>
<p>"Oh, you know, improbable, unrealistic, highly unlikely, and yet it all somehow ended well," Howard said as he slid into bed next to her.</p>
<p>"Damn. That <em>is</em> accurate," Bernadette mumbled.</p>
<p>"Huh?"</p>
<p>"Never mind." She lowered the speed on the pump, which would only make it take longer, but at least then she and Howard could talk at a reasonable volume. Not that she cared about <em>The Fast and The Furious</em>, it was just her opening. "Well, I had an unexpected night."</p>
<p>"Penny drank too much and passed out snoring on the sofa until you fed her something burnt from the freezer?"</p>
<p>"Um, well, sort of. But, actually, I ended up taking Sheldon grocery shopping. He wanted to make Amy a comforting dinner after her horrible day."</p>
<p>"Oh, yeah, he told us about some of it at lunch and then Leonard filled us in more tonight. Sounds like an IT nightmare. Did he say what kind of server she's running on? I mean, an actual fire -"</p>
<p>"No one cares. Did you hear me? Sheldon wanted to make Amy a comforting dinner. With ice cream. He even bought her flowers."</p>
<p>"Okay, so? He cooks sometimes, always has. And you've taken him shopping before." Howard grabbed a comic book from his nightstand and started to flip through the pages.</p>
<p>"You've noticed that too, huh?" Bernadette huffed. "But the point is that he was worried about how stressed out Amy would be."</p>
<p>Howard shrugged. "So? They're married and in love or whatever their kind calls it. He was probably worried about himself. I know an angry woman when I see one, and Amy strikes me as a shoe-thrower."</p>
<p>"No. No, you don't understand. It was different than before. He kept saying thank you to me. It was creepy."</p>
<p>Another shrug as Howard stopped to look at an illustration in more detail. "I don't get it. Sheldon is creepy."</p>
<p>How could she make him understand? It wasn't normal creepy. It was . . . sincere creepy. Was that even a thing? Well, it must be. It summed up Sheldon and Amy. At first, when Bernadette got back together with Howard and heard about Sheldon's girl-friend-that-was-not-a-girlfriend, she thought her existence was another one of Howard's joke. But she was real and she was really creepy. However, over time, Sheldon and Amy became . . . sincere creepy. Well, if love could make Howard into a fully functioning husband and father and astronaut, it could surely make Sheldon and Amy closer to human.</p>
<p>Bernadette took a deep breath over the chug-chug of the breast pump. "I don't know how else to explain other than he was . . . kind. That's it. Kind. To me, to Amy, to Penny."</p>
<p>"Maybe it was just fear. Again, I suspect shoe-throwing. And have you seen the size of her shoes?"</p>
<p>"No, it was sincere. He was really concerned for her."</p>
<p>"Maybe Amy is forcing him to attempt to be nice. Like a social experiment. They've done weird stuff like that before."</p>
<p>"Well, we need to ask her to stop because it's unnerving." Bernadette turned off the pump and unhooked herself. "I'm going to go throw this out. What a waste."</p>
<p>Howard glanced over. "Baby breathalyzer, huh?"</p>
<p>As she stood, she said, "I need to wean him, the sooner the better."</p>
<p>"You know what's not a waste?"</p>
<p>She wrapped her robe tightly around her. "Stop looking at my boobs, Howard."</p>
<p>
  <em>To be continued . . .</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>Thank you in advance for your reviews!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This was getting crazy. And, between her dysfunctional family and her weirdo friend family here in Los Angles, Penny knew cray-cray when she saw it. Having known one Sheldon Cooper for over eleven years, she also knew obsessed when she saw it and there was no doubt Leonard was starting to becoming both.</p>
<p>What did it even matter if Sheldon occasionally acted weird? Wait, scratch that. Weird was normal for Sheldon. Weird in an unusually weird style? Weird with a twist? Whatever you called it, it was not beyond what she'd come to expect from him. But Leonard, and to a lesser extent Howard and Raj, had brought it up occasionally over the past few months.</p>
<p>Last time Leonard brought it up, as a bit of a jab at her husband, Penny jokingly suggested maybe Sheldon had returned to the fortune teller, who also dabbled in hypnosis, and that was the cause of Sheldon's weird-with-a-twist behavior. He was hypnotized, that's all. Never mind that there was no Marvel Cinematic Universe in which Sheldon would willingly go to either a fortune teller or a hypnotist. But instead of laughing, as Penny expected, Leonard had, for several horrifying seconds, taken her sarcastic comment at face value.</p>
<p>"Oh, whoa. You may be right. You said she told Sheldon he'd have a career breakthrough when he committed to Amy, and then he came up with super asymmetry on their wedding day, so . . ." Then Leonard shook his head and Penny breathed a sigh of relief. See, the more he said it aloud the more he realized that would never happen, just as she hoped. "I can't believe it. Sheldon Cooper under the thrall of a fortune-telling hypnotist? I haven't been this worried since he first heard the term Christian Scientists and thought he might go to a meeting to appease his mother."</p>
<p>"There's nothing wrong with Sheldon!" Penny had finally blurted out in frustration. "I mean, well, there's plenty wrong with Sheldon but there's nothing new and wrong <em>wrong</em> with him. Don't get all worked up about something that isn't there."</p>
<p>"Okay, maybe," Leonard grumbled. "But will you at least ask Amy? If she says there's nothing new wrong with him, she'd know, right?"</p>
<p>"Sure," Penny agreed, if for no other reason than to move onto another topic.</p>
<p>Fortunately, there's was a Girls' Night planned the next evening, and Penny went over to Amy's early to squeeze in an extra glass of wine and some questioning.</p>
<p>"Hey, let me ask you, Leonard is a little . . . not worried really, but kind of . . . Anyway, he thinks Sheldon's upset about something or something is bothering him or . . . Honestly, I don't know but he made me ask you." It wasn't as smooth as Penny had hoped, but Amy was the second-most direct person she knew and her friend didn't flinch at the question.</p>
<p>"So," Amy lowered the bottle of wine, "you're asking if Sheldon is worried about something?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>Her friend took a drink and seemed to think. "What is Sheldon currently worried about? Well, the pattern of the wood grain in the bathroom cabinet might spell out something in Sanskrit and he's trying to decode it. Do you know our apartment building is in the possible path of some frozen wastewater that might fall from a malfunctioning airliner's waste valve? He made toast this morning and he thought he saw Albert Einstein in it, so now he thinks he might have face pareidolia. Then there's the long-standing concern that all faster-than-light travel is impossible, thus rendering the entire concept of both <em>Star Trek</em> and <em>Star Wars </em>moot. Of course, the Fermi Paradox has bothered him for years. And, oh, what was that last thing? Something little?" Amy put her forefinger on her chin and looked up at the ceiling. "Oh, I remember!" She looked down and then, well, screamed, "Whether or not two worthless idiots will steal our Nobel Prize!"</p>
<p>Confused, vindicated, and chagrined, but not surprised, Penny reported back to Leonard that Amy didn't know of or notice anything out of the ordinary with her husband. They were both just stressed out about the Nobel Prize, that's all. In Penny's mind, that meant the matter was settled and she hoped Leonard felt the same.</p>
<p>But then, too soon it seemed but in reality a few weeks later, Leonard came back from a trip to Howard's to play video games with Sheldon and he brought it up again. "It was like someone flipped a switch. He went into the kitchen to get a snack and when he came back he was different."</p>
<p>"Different how?" Penny asked.</p>
<p>"I don't know. Just <em>different</em>."</p>
<p>"Maybe he opened the refrigerator and saw some moldy cheese and thought it was Yoda again."</p>
<p>Penny begged Leonard to watch some television with her, but she could tell he was still distracted by this crazy new obsession of his. "Okay, that's it." She turned off the television with the remote, got up and marched toward the bedroom.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" Leonard called.</p>
<p>"Going straight to the horse's mouth."</p>
<p>"What?" Leonard followed her into the bedroom as she grabbed the first item off the top of the hamper and threw it in the laundry basket.</p>
<p>"It's Saturday evening. Sheldon's downstairs doing laundry. So am I. And, while I'm there, I'll just ask him about it."</p>
<p>"No, don't do that!" Leonard protested. "If you tell him we've been talking about him, you know how vindictive he can be. And Amy will be there, too! Remember Halloween?"</p>
<p>"I already asked Amy for you, remember?, and she was fine with it." Penny grabbed the bottle of laundry detergent and headed toward the door. Then she turned at the last minute. "Fine, I won't tell him you've been discussing it. I'll just say you noticed it today. But I <em>am</em> asking him so you can stop this nonsense."</p>
<p>She ran down the stairs before Leonard could stop her. But when Penny entered the laundry room in the basement, Sheldon was there alone.</p>
<p>"Hey, Sheldon. Where's Amy? You guys normally do your laundry together."</p>
<p>Sheldon looked up from the pile of clothes he was folding at the table. "Hello, Penny. I told her to stay upstairs and relax. Although we have managed to rid our lives of Dr. Pemberton and Dr. Campbell, she finds the wait for the announcement of the winner of the Nobel Prize very stressful. I do as well, but she has the additional stress of setting a good example to female scientists. So I suggested she watch the new episode of <em>Outlander </em>alone. She knows I, for one, will not overlook historical inaccuracies for the sake of pornography, so I volunteered to leave so that she did not have to trouble her mind or her ears with the truth. And my face did not have to trouble with being repeatedly slapped by a throw pillow."</p>
<p>Penny smiled. "That's sweet of you to think of her like that." Also better for Penny's purposes.</p>
<p>"I haven't stopped thinking about Amy since two-twelve this afternoon." He sighed heavily and Penny saw the perfect opening. How lucky she was that he'd already brought up this afternoon himself! She opened her mouth but Sheldon spoke instead, "How does she fold her underpants?"</p>
<p>"Wha - huh?" Penny flinched at the sudden change in conversation.</p>
<p>"I just realized Amy always folds her own underwear and I'm not certain if she starts vertically or horizontally."</p>
<p>"Well, women's panties are so small it's really more of a roll then a fold - oh! Yeah, you're going need to fold those." Penny blinked at the large white granny panties Sheldon held up in front of her.</p>
<p>As Sheldon put the large undergarment down and started to fold it, Penny tried again, "You know, I'm glad you're alone. There's something I want to ask you."</p>
<p>"Yes, you may borrow my OxyClean gel."</p>
<p>"Huh?"</p>
<p>Looking up from his folding, Sheldon said, "You only brought one item to wash, a pair of Leonard's pants. Not a full load of laundry. And you purposely came down when you know I'd be here. I assume the pants are heavily soiled in some fashion and you want my stain-removing expertise at your disposal. Did you serve him ricotta again? We've discussed the high lactose content in whey-heavy cheese, Penny."</p>
<p>"No, listen," Penny sat the basket with the single pair of Leonard's pants down on the floor, "Leonard thought you seemed a little . . . odd . . . this afternoon and he wanted me to make sure you're okay."</p>
<p>"'Odd?' Odd how?"</p>
<p>"I don't know. He didn't really explain it well." Plus how could she find the words to explain someone acting weird-with-a-twist when all they knew was straight weird, no chaser?</p>
<p>But Sheldon didn't seem concerned. "We played video games with Howard and Raj. It was a normal afternoon at the Wolowitz's - lots of tantrums and crying."</p>
<p>"The kids were rowdy, eh?"</p>
<p>"Oh, they weren't there; Bernadette took them to the park."</p>
<p>She had to get back on track. "Anyway, Leonard says you've been doing some weird things." Penny bit her thumbnail, too late, hoping Sheldon didn't pick up on her little slip.</p>
<p>"Things? Things plural? So it wasn't just this afternoon?"</p>
<p>"Damnit," she muttered. Then, louder, "So apparently you brought Howard homemade soup when he was sick."</p>
<p>His laundry forgotten, Sheldon straightened. "How is that weird? I take care of Amy all the time when she is sick."</p>
<p>"But she's your wife, that's different. You're supposed to do that."</p>
<p>"Yes, it is contractually obligated by our various agreements, but it's the not only reason I do it. I do it because I love her. How is love odd or weird? Leonard spent years trying to force me into it." Uh oh, he crossed his arms. Sheldon was getting defensive.</p>
<p>"Of course, of course, sweetie," Penny tried to soothe him. "Actually, that's exactly it. You don't <em>love</em> Howard. I mean, not the same way."</p>
<p>"But he's my friend. You're my friend and I sing Soft Kitty to you when you are sick. And Leonard, too. The only reason I don't offer to bathe all of you when you're ill is because Leonard told me it's socially unacceptable."</p>
<p>"Ew. Okay, bad example. You're right, we should try to help our friends who are sick." Penny paused, trying to remember the things Leonard had mentioned in the past. "Okay, okay, I've got it. There was this one time you talked to Leonard in Shakespeare."</p>
<p>Sheldon dropped his arms. "Penny, one doesn't 'talk in Shakespeare,' it's not a language. Have I quoted Shakespeare in the past? Yes, I have all of his plays memorized. He invented several phrases and idioms that are still in use today, you know. Or did you mean I spoke in the style of Shakespeare? That is not so difficult, as he wrote in Early Modern English. Now, Chaucer, that's more difficult, he wrote in late Middle English; although, of course, Amy and I have no difficulty having a conversation in it. Oh! That's an idea for this evening."</p>
<p>Watching as Sheldon took out his phone and seemed to be typing some sort of reminder to himself, Penny tried to think of something else to say. Why did he have to be so darn logical? And why did pointing out these things make her sound either heartless or crazy herself? If only Leonard had let things be.</p>
<p>"You - you made me drink water and eat food with I had drunk too much wine," she sputtered.</p>
<p>"Once." Sheldon glanced at her while he put his phone back in his pocket. "I did that once, because, frankly, it's impossible for me to be present every time you drink too much wine."</p>
<p>"But you did it and then made Bernadette take you shopping for food for Amy." Penny groaned. That was a horrible example. Because . . .</p>
<p>"Bernadette has taken me shopping before." Yep, that was it.</p>
<p>"But she said you were so concerned," Penny whispered, not expecting an answer as she reached down for her laundry basket. What a disaster this conversation had turned out to be.</p>
<p>"Of course I was concerned about Amy. I always am." It wasn't what he said or even that he spoke at all. It was the way he said it, just as softly as Penny had, a protest that wasn't a protest against an insult that wasn't an insult.</p>
<p>"I know you were."</p>
<p>Sheldon looked away from her, reaching down for the last pair of overly-large panties on the table. "Please tell Leonard the only thing wrong with me is that I am fortunate enough to have a brilliant wife I love deeply."</p>
<p>Penny reached out and touched his arm gently, risking a flinch from him from the unwanted contact. "I know," she said. "She's lucky, too."</p>
<p>"Thank you. If you don't mind, I'd like to return to my folding so that I may go upstairs and demonstrate to my wife how much I love her."</p>
<p>"By speaking Chaucer?" It was an olive branch, an unspoken apology.</p>
<p>The edges of Sheldon's lip quirked and his blue eyes glanced back. "She is likely to appreciate it."</p>
<p>Penny smiled softly. "Don't get too wild."</p>
<p>Chastised but forgiven, Penny turned and walked back up the stairs. When she arrived home, she shut the door and sat down the laundry basket, Leonard's dirty pants still unwashed.</p>
<p>"There's nothing wrong with Sheldon," she said to Leonard, sitting and waiting with obvious tension in the white chair. "He and Amy are worried about whether or not they'll win the Nobel Prize."</p>
<p>"That's it?" Leonard looked dubious.</p>
<p>"Yes. You know Sheldon doesn't handle stress and other people getting stuff he thinks he deserves well."</p>
<p>"Hmm, maybe." A pause. "Did you ask him -"</p>
<p>"No. It's done, Leonard. Leave it be."</p>
<p>Penny returned the basket and supplies to their place in the bedroom, but Leonard followed.</p>
<p>"Are you okay? Now you're acting weird."</p>
<p>"I'm fine." Penny protested. Then she looked over at him. "Would let me watch <em>Outlander</em> alone if I was stressed?"</p>
<p>"Um, sure. But wouldn't you rather watch it together? I kind of like it, too."</p>
<p>As she put a hand on her hip, Penny said, "Okay. Bad example. Would you let me watch <em>The Real Housewives of Orange County </em>alone?"</p>
<p>"Absolutely. You may always watch that show alone. In fact, please do. You know I hate it."</p>
<p>"No, that's not right, either," Penny mumbled. Then, louder, "But would you <em>offer</em> to leave so that I didn't have to listen to you complain about it?"</p>
<p>"Maybe; I've never really considered it. It's an idea." Leonard's face scrunched together. "Hey, what's gotten into you?"</p>
<p>She ignored his query for a second longer. "Would you fold my underwear for me?"</p>
<p>"Fold them? Don't you just sort of roll them up and toss them in the drawer?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, you're right." Penny chuckled and relaxed.</p>
<p>Leonard reached out and put a hand on her arm. "Seriously, what's going on? Did Sheldon upset you? Or is he contagious?"</p>
<p>"No," Penny shook her head, "actually he was . . ." She took a deep breath and let it fall. "Sorry. It's nothing. Amy's extra-stessed and Sheldon's is just trying to de-stress her. And, yeah, it's strange to see but not impossible. He's just . . ."</p>
<p>She stopped herself with a smile. Instead, she reached for her husband instead, wrapping her arms over his shoulders. "Forget about them, at least for tonight. You look especially cute when you're worried. And I heard there was a new episode of <em>Outlander</em> . . . and it's almost pornography."</p>
<p>"Really?" Leonard's eyebrows shot up.</p>
<p>"Well, Sheldon said it, so we may just get to see an ankle, but you know, I'm willing to gamble if you are."</p>
<p>"Oh, I'm in." He leaned forward and kissed her. "And then, afterwards, you know, I can pretend to be Jamie and you can pretend to be Claire . . ."</p>
<p>Smiling, Penny stepped out of his embrace and put her hand out. "Let's go."</p>
<p>"Lead on, my bonny lass!"</p>
<p>
  <em>To be continued . . .</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Thank you in advance for your reviews!</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What you doing here so early?" Howard asked as he and Bernadette made their way into apartment 4A.</p>
<p>"I could ask you the same. It's not six o'clock yet," Sheldon replied from his spot on the sofa.</p>
<p>"You could, but I'd tell you that we also run to the car as soon as Stuart comes home to watch the kids."</p>
<p>Penny brought glasses of water over to them. "Yeah, Sheldon, you and Amy always come together, right at six. Why are you flying solo tonight?"</p>
<p>"Despite the fact I've emailed more than one PDF of our schedule, Amy's mother just called and I chose to vacate the apartment so they could chat."</p>
<p>"I thought you liked Amy's mother now," Bernadette said.</p>
<p>"Oh, yes, I appreciate her honest and blunt approach to life. I don't have to guess how she feels about me."</p>
<p>"She shows nothing but open contempt for you," Leonard pointed out.</p>
<p>"I know, isn't it refreshing?"</p>
<p>"Wait, <em>that</em> was the secret all along?" Howard whispered to Bernadette and she just shrugged in reply.</p>
<p>Sheldon stood. "Tonight, however, Amy waved me away after I heard her tell her mother we wouldn't catch socialism while in Sweden. Experience has taught me it will be a lengthy conversation." And then he stepped away.</p>
<p>"Where are you going?" Bernadette asked.</p>
<p>"It's my 5:50 urination time. I usually go to the bathroom and then come over, but, as you've already pointed out, I'm early. Does anyone read the PDFs I send?" When no one replied, he huffed, "If you'll excuse me."</p>
<p>Sheldon retreated just as the door opened, and Raj joined them. They explained Amy would probably be late and why, and then they all chatted about their upcoming plans to travel to Stockholm to see Sheldon and Amy receive their Nobel Prize.</p>
<p>"- Denise will be there, too. And my parents will be just a phone call -"</p>
<p>
  <em>Sshhh. Sshhh. Sshhh. Sshhh. Sshhh. Sshhh. </em>
</p>
<p>The syncopated rhythm of tambourines interrupted their conversation, and everyone started to look around, trying to identify if the source.</p>
<p>"What <em>is</em> that?"</p>
<p>
  <em>Da-da-da-do. Da-da-da-do.</em>
</p>
<p>The music became louder, the deep pounding of some sort of drum thrumming in the room. All five of them scrambled, now able to quickly locate the source of the music, which continued unabated.</p>
<p>"It's Sheldon's phone!"</p>
<p><em>Baaaaa-dum! Baaaaa-dum! Baaaaa-dum! </em>Something sharp and brassy sliced through the air.</p>
<p>"Turn it off!"</p>
<p><em>Dun-dun-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-da-dun-dun-da-DA!</em> Long, ear-piercing calls from what sounded like trumpets got their attention.</p>
<p>"I can't! It's not an alarm! It's not on his lock screen!"</p>
<p>As the song progressed, it became more frantic and urgent.</p>
<p>"Let me see!"</p>
<p>It was melee now, as ten hands stretched and reached and grasped, an uncoordinated dance to the jarring rhythm of the drums.</p>
<p>"Oh."</p>
<p><em>Wa-wum. Wa-wum. Wa-wum. Wa-wum. </em>Was that a tuba, low and mournful in the background?</p>
<p>"Told you."</p>
<p>A strange sort of battle to stop the music broke out, each person passing the phone as quickly as they could to next.</p>
<p>"Our fingerprints don't work, stupid!"</p>
<p>"Use his passcode!"</p>
<p>Tempers flared and fought as the angry wail of a trombone sailed past their ears.</p>
<p>"What makes you think I know his passcode?"</p>
<p><em>Sshhh. Sshhh. Da-da-da-do. Baaaaa-dum! Baaaaa-dum! </em>The beat continued, brutal, primal, something ancient and deep.</p>
<p>"Because you're his best friend! These are the things you should know!"</p>
<p><em>Dun-dun-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-da-dun-dun-da-DA! </em>An accusation from the trumpets, painful to the ears. A sound that would not be ignored.</p>
<p>"It's not that simple. First, we have to find out the stardate, and then we have to multiply that by -"</p>
<p>Suddenly, silence.</p>
<p>The music stopped, and everyone turned to look at Bernadette. She held up the phone for them all to see. "I used the mute button on the side."</p>
<p>"Oh."</p>
<p>Howard took the phone. "Let me see it. Yep, it's still vibrating. But the lock screen is blank. Raj is right; it's not a regular alarm or a phone call."</p>
<p>"What app does that? And why can't you shut it off from the lock screen? What if it goes off at the movies?" Raj asked.</p>
<p>"It must only accept his fingerprint. And he must assume he'll always be close by when it goes off. And it can be silenced, at least."</p>
<p>Leonard sat back down. "That song was really familiar."</p>
<p>"Was it?" Penny asked.</p>
<p>"Oh!" Howard looked up at them all, with his eyes shining. "It's the Pon Farr song. From <em>Star Trek</em>. Pon Farr! On Sheldon's phone!"</p>
<p>"What's Pon Farr?" asked Bernadette.</p>
<p>"It's when Vulcans get horny," Raj explained.</p>
<p>"Well, not really," Leonard added. "It's when Vulcans experience a biological urge to mate or they die. It happens every seven years."</p>
<p>Penny's eyebrows shot up. "Seven years! Yikes!"</p>
<p>"Okay, but why is that important?" Bernadette asked. "It still doesn't explain why it's an alarm."</p>
<p>"Because it means Sheldon is thinking about sex!" Howard explained.</p>
<p>Leonard shook his head. "He could just like the song. I mean, that episode is one of Nimoy's finest performances."</p>
<p>With his eyes screwed upwards, Raj had been in thought, and now he said, "You guys . . . was that the beginning of the song we heard that day in the cafeteria? When Sheldon suddenly canceled our plans and left in the middle of lunch? Remember, we talked about tambourines?"</p>
<p>"Hmmm." "Yeah, now that you mention it."</p>
<p>Penny put her hands out. "Okay, okay. So Sheldon has this -" she glanced over at the still-vibrating phone in Howard's hands "- endless alarm that can't be shut off by anyone but him. It's gone off at least twice we think, right?" Nods all around. "But that doesn't mean it's about sex. I mean, what man sets an alarm to think about sex?"</p>
<p>"I do."</p>
<p>They all turned toward the hallway, where Sheldon stood on the stair, his arms crossed in front of his chest, glaring at them all.</p>
<p>Leonard, twisted to look behind him, started to get up. "Sheldon, you've been - How long have you been -"</p>
<p>"Eavesdropping? It's not eavesdropping if it's in a common room where we're all supposed to gather, is it? And it's not like any of you are quiet. Aren't you all proud of yourselves? You figured out my alarm." He stepped close and put his palm out for his phone. Eyes downcast, Howard handed it over and Sheldon quickly used his thumb to stop the vibration.</p>
<p>"Oh, sweetie, we weren't . . . I mean . . well, we're sorry."</p>
<p>The awkward silence lingered and then Sheldon said, "I'm not. The reminder has been very helpful to me."</p>
<p>"It's okay, buddy." Leonard gave an uncomfortable cough, "I mean, that's nice. Uh, no, I mean, I'm sure . . . um . . . You know what, never mind. When <em>is </em>that Chinese food going to get here?"</p>
<p>"Oh! I'll call them again!" Penny frantically scrambled for her phone in her pocket.</p>
<p>Sheldon sighed as he sat down in his spot. "You can put that away. You've never been good at subterfuge."</p>
<p>Penny studied her nails in the silence that followed. Should she get a manicure this weekend? Raj hummed a song. Howard started thumping his feet in time. Bernadette started re-arranging her curls. Leonard looked up to inspect the ceiling.</p>
<p>Sheldon cleared his throat. "Perhaps I should clarify. You all seem to enjoy leaping to incorrect speculations and assumptions."</p>
<p>"Oh, thank God!" Penny said. Leonard gave her a sharp look. "What? You were thinking it."</p>
<p>"And perhaps I have been mistaken myself," Sheldon continued, as he leaned forward on the sofa. "I was under the impression it was common knowledge that Amy and I scheduled our couplings, that such details had been shared over wine." He looked pointedly at Penny and then Bernadette. "That the schedule was a way to ensure that I was faithfully executing all my husbandly duties."</p>
<p>It was Bernadette who answered, "Amy might have mentioned a, um, schedule."</p>
<p>"And," Sheldon looked at Howard, "I myself shared the information about the schedule over a certain game of Fortnight." His gaze shifted to Raj. "<em>You</em> suggested a bat signal."</p>
<p>"Um, I don't think I thought it was serious."</p>
<p>"Wait." Leonard put his hand up. "Are you saying the alarm is part of your schedule? That you have to remind yourself that you even <em>have</em> a schedule?"</p>
<p>"Indeed." Sheldon nodded. "How else do you think I would become aware that enough time had passed that Amy might be craving physical intimacy? It's not something one thinks about routinely in the course of the day."</p>
<p>"Well, actually -"</p>
<p>"Shhh!" Bernadette hissed at Howard. "Let him talk. If he clams up, we'll never get all the details!"</p>
<p>Since Sheldon seemed to be waiting for a reply, Leonard shrugged. "I never thought you needed a reminder. I guessed it was just a thing you knew in your head, and then your internal chronometer went off on its own. Like Data performing your bathroom schedule."</p>
<p>"Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment." Penny's eyebrows went up. She was pretty sure it wasn't one. "So, the schedule -"</p>
<p>"You know what, buddy, maybe - maybe we should stop talking about this." Penny tried to shoot Leonard a look that told him to stop. "I don't think Amy would want us to, um, know - I mean, to be talking about her like that."</p>
<p>Their lanky friend tilted his head. "It is true that Amy and I have zones of privacy."</p>
<p>"Zones of privacy?" Bernadette asked.</p>
<p>"Yes. I made a bullseye chart for us." Sheldon paused and took a deep breath. "Anyway, since the existence of a schedule is common knowledge, I don't believe it's a clear violation to tell you that I created an application that runs an algorithm that creates a pseudo-randomized schedule. I created a fail-safe so that I may not look ahead and see when the next date is unless it is a regularly scheduled date such as Amy's birthday or our wedding anniversary. I have no control over the schedule to maintain the illusion of surprise. Instead, an alarm sounds to inform me that coitus is on the schedule for some time within the following thirty-six hours."</p>
<p>"And the Amok Time song is the alarm?" Raj clarified.</p>
<p>Sheldon put a finger up. "Technically, it's entitled 'The Ritual/Ancient Battle/Second Kroykah.' But, yes, I think it's both humorous and logical to reference Pon Farr as that could also be construed as a scheduled coitus event. I find it quite liberating to be free of such baser thoughts for weeks at a time until the alarm goes off informing me that I need to think about them for Amy's sake."</p>
<p>Howard rubbed his forehead. "I have a question."</p>
<p>"Alright."</p>
<p>"Like Raj said, the alarm went off that day in the cafeteria and you suddenly canceled our movie plans, right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Raj joined in.</p>
<p>"So that meant you and Amy bonked that night?"</p>
<p>"Howie!"</p>
<p>But Sheldon just nodded sharply again. He had assumed his usual professorial nature and didn't seem at all embarrassed or bothered in any way to be sharing such intimate details with them. He was, as was so often the case, focused solely on the facts. "Yes, although we've never used that term."</p>
<p>"How often does the alarm go off?" Howard asked.</p>
<p>"Again, it's pseudo-randomized, but it is currently set for once every nineteen to thirty-nine days."</p>
<p>"Oh, I get it!" Leonard lowered his hand into his palm. "Once a month! The alarm goes off once a month and then you start acting weird."</p>
<p>"I do not!" Sheldon protested. "I resent the insinuation that I am unable to control my limbic system. Coitus would hardly be a surprise to Amy if my behavior changed well in advance."</p>
<p>"But the time you brought me soup?" Howard pressed. "Come on, we know you remember."</p>
<p>"Very well. Yes, the alarm sounded that morning, not long after I arrived at work."</p>
<p>"And when you suggested I ask Kripke for help? After you'd gone and recited a sonnet to Amy or something?" Leonard asked. Penny leaned forward.</p>
<p>Sheldon answered, "That's not what happened." Penny sat back. "Yes, the alarm had just sounded -" Penny leaned forward again "- but I did not recite a sonnet to my wife."</p>
<p>Bernadette spoke up, "And the time you made me take you grocery shopping? But Amy was all stressed out. Surely you didn't try to put the moves on her after the day she'd had."</p>
<p>"Of course not." Sheldon paused. "I admit the alarm had sounded and I was forced to consider my response; in fact, I was pondering it throughout our excursion. However, it was obvious that Amy was too tired when she arrived home, so I did not broach the subject." He shifted his feet. "I had, um, learned once that is not a wise course of action."</p>
<p>"And the time you were late for our sleepover to watch the meteor shower?" Raj asked.</p>
<p>"Oh, I know, I know!" Penny raised her hand, fluttering her fingers in the air. "That was their first quickie!"</p>
<p>"<em>You knew</em>?"</p>
<p>Penny looked back and forth between Sheldon and Leonard, who had asked in unison. "Well, yeah, kind of. Not about the song. I don't think Amy even knows about that, does she?" Sheldon shook his head. "But the sex? Yeah, sometimes, I guess."</p>
<p>"Hold on." Leonard's eyebrows sank in an accusing manner as he looked at her. "You knew all along what was making Sheldon act weird and you saw how worried I was about it and you said <em>nothing</em>?"</p>
<p>"I thought they were different things!" Penny objected. "You were moping around and I thought you thought he was dying of cancer, not that he was horny."</p>
<p>"I must disagree!" Sheldon insisted. "I do not get horny!"</p>
<p>"Yeah, guys," Howard interjected, "haven't you been paying attention? Sheldon isn't horny. He's just got a schedule to keep. Two totally different things; one for a human, one for a robot without feelings." He changed his voice to his robot impression. "Insert probe into slot. Completed."</p>
<p>Everyone looked at Sheldon who opened his mouth and shut it. He then gulped and looked down at his clasped hands. No one spoke, not even Sheldon who rarely found himself speechless. He just kept his head down, not meeting anyone's gaze. Clearly, Howard's words were sinking in. Too embarrassed for Sheldon to scrutinize him further, Penny became very interested in her glass of water.</p>
<p><em>No deal.</em> That's what Leonard had told her about Sheldon ages ago. And Penny believed it forever, even after Amy came along. But, then, according to Amy, Sheldon was a sex god, so Penny assumed they got it wrong. Amy had never once given them the impression that her sex life with Sheldon was less than satisfying. Instead, she seemed to enjoy bragging about it, often over Penny and Bernadette's groans. But, here Sheldon was, telling them all that Leonard was right. So had Amy been lying all along? Putting on a brave face? Talking a big game to hide her disappointment?</p>
<p>"Is it - is it . . . about the germs?" Penny asked softly, knowing she had to tread lightly. As hurtful as it must be to have your husband think you were too dirty and germy to touch, that had to be it. Right? She desperately wanted to ask about Amy. Did she know about Sheldon's cold approach to sex? His apparent no deal status? She must; Penny was under the impression that Sheldon and Amy were honest with each other in all things. So did that mean that Amy had been dishonest with her friends?</p>
<p>Across from her, Sheldon looked up to answer, "Oh, no, Amy has exemplary personal hygiene standards."</p>
<p>"Soooooo . . . If it's not the germs, then it's . . ." Raj let the word hang. Penny knew he, too, was wrestling with the next obvious question.</p>
<p>"Sexual desire. Yes," Sheldon affirmed, no hesitancy or shame in his reply.</p>
<p>"Poor Amy," Bernadette whispered.</p>
<p>"Poor Amy nothing!" Sheldon snapped. "I did it for her! She reaps the benefits."</p>
<p>Penny closed her eyes as she heard Bernadette gasp softly. Poor Amy, indeed. If she thought the silence before she asked about germs had been uncomfortable, their living room now felt in a torture chamber. Everyone seemed desperate to study their shoes. Penny shifted in her chair.</p>
<p>Because no one spoke, Sheldon coughed and interrupted her mental meanderings. "I apologize for my outburst," he said, looking over at Bernadette.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry for what I said that about Amy," Bernadette replied.</p>
<p>Looking down at his hands once more, Sheldon took a deep breath. "I fear I need to clarify something," he said softly.</p>
<p>For some reason, it was Penny who he glanced up at, and she nodded at him, encouraging him to continue. "I believe I need to violate my own privacy now. It is true that I never craved physical intimacy before Amy. Never. Even with Amy, it took me several years to build up the will power to hold her hand or kiss her. Even now, I could live quite happily without the act of sexual intercourse in regards to myself. I was under the impression this was all common knowledge."</p>
<p>"But we thought it changed. You have sex," Howard pointed out, but his usual teasing, confident tone was gone.</p>
<p>"We do. I just explained it all to you. But I do not think about the act or desire it on my own."</p>
<p>"So, it's like an exercise, something you have to do but hate? You set your alarm like someone would for a personal trainer?" Bernadette asked.</p>
<p>"<em>No</em>."</p>
<p>Penny flinched and sat back in her chair. It was easy to see Sheldon was angry. She considered stopping the conversation, changing the topic, but then she remembered how Sheldon had looked to her earlier and she had nodded to him. He needed to say this.</p>
<p>Sheldon drew a deep breath and whispered, "I see I've gone about this all wrong. My short temper is a result of that error. Let me explain without interruption. I will not have you pitying Amy for something that doesn't exist."</p>
<p>"Um, well, you just told us your desire for her doesn't exist, so I'm confused -"</p>
<p>"I desire Amy! And I said no interruptions!" Sheldon cut off Raj with a shout, the sharpest words Penny remembered from him a long time. But then he seemed to calm himself and continued, "I <em>do</em> desire Amy. Every day. But I desire her for her entire person, all of her qualities, not just her genitalia. Amy knows that my love for her is not a mere hour spent in sweat and heavy breathing and acrobatic poses."</p>
<p>"An hour? Acrobatic poses?" Leonard mouthed to Penny. She, in turn, gave him a look that she hoped conveyed they would discuss it later.</p>
<p>"Penny -" she turned sharply, surprised to hear the sound of her own name "- you used to flaunt your physical assets in skimpy clothing as a way to attract men for coitus. Do you not find it more satisfying to now be desired for your personality and your tenuous grasp of pharmaceuticals?"</p>
<p>Afraid to speak or acknowledge the barb, she just nodded. But she also tried to adjust her bra a bit, so that her breasts still looked perky. Was it so so bad to want to be desired for both?</p>
<p>Sheldon continued, "Why should I only desire something so trivial when I have everything else about her to desire?"</p>
<p>Having learned a lesson from Raj, no one answered, even if the question wasn't rhetorical.</p>
<p>"But I . . ." Sheldon's feet shifted as he continued, "I discovered that, to my surprise, while, um, performing the act, I am happy."</p>
<p>"I bet you are!" Howard whispered.</p>
<p>Sheldon's blue eyes shot him a sharp look, but he did not comment upon Howard's outburst. "But it's not about physical pleasure for me. I only make love to Amy <em>for</em> Amy." He paused. "I imagine, for most people, coitus is about the act, like the flag penetrating the surface of the moon."</p>
<p>"Ew," Penny murmured and then slapped her hand over her mouth. But Sheldon, now deep into his explanation, did not seem to notice.</p>
<p>"For me, though, it is about the journey to the moon. The calculations, the mental preparation. Because it does not come naturally to me, I need that time to plan and contemplate it. But it does not mean that I do not love - I love being in Amy's orbit. And then when I land -" He blushed. Sheldon blushed! "- I admire everything about her, the sands, the craters, the expanses, the view . . . I have discovered that making Amy happy, physically and emotionally, is very desirous. I desire Amy's responses to sexual intercourse. Her face when -" he stopped himself and coughed. Penny couldn't help but grin. "Anyway, I enjoy finding new ways, more ways to, um, elicit that face."</p>
<p>Well, <em>that </em>sounded like the things Amy told them. Penny reached out and grabbed Leonard's hand.</p>
<p>Seeming to pull out of what seemed like a trance, Sheldon sat up straighter and his voice strengthened. "The schedule has helped. While I find I do desire Amy's physical responses, the plans to create them can be overwhelming. It -" he shook his head softly "- it confuses me, and I struggle to balance my sexual nature with that hour of physical pleasure. But the schedule has freed me. Now I do not think about it for weeks on end. But that does not mean I do not <em>desire</em> Amy. I <em>desire</em> her mind above all else. I <em>desire</em> her calming presence in my life. I desire her because she is steady and constant. I <em>desire</em> her rationality and her strength. I <em>desire</em> her wit and her laughter. Amy is the one person in this world I can always count upon, the one person who truly understands me, and that includes this, which in turn, makes me desire her further. So, no, I do not desire sexual intercourse multiple times a day. But what I <em>desire</em> is Amy. All of her. The schedule has given me weeks to desire everything about her, time to focus on everything I love about her with a clear mind. When you have a brain as powerful as mine, there is no greater gift I can give her than my unfettered and uncluttered thoughts. It makes it easier to appreciate hers."</p>
<p>"Wow," Bernadette said softly. Penny looked over to see she was holding Howard close, too, wrapping herself around his arm as his hand rested on her thigh.</p>
<p>"Wow," Leonard repeated, squeezing Penny's hand at the same time.</p>
<p>
  <em>Bang! Whoosh!</em>
</p>
<p>The apartment door flew open with such a sudden and unexpected force that Penny jumped.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry I'm late! I know I shouldn't get into an argument with my mother about political systems, but -" Amy stopped her rush of words and looked around the room. "What happened? Why does everyone look so serious? And why is Raj <em>crying</em>?"</p>
<p>
  <em>To be continued . . .</em>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Thank you in advance for you reviews!</em>
  </strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I'll give you three guesses what Sheldon is doing right now, and the last two don't count," Howard quipped, as he lifted the blankets to get into bed.</p>
<p>Bernadette chuckled and she put her magazine away on the nightstand. "Oh, yeah, Amy's probably showing her appreciation right now."</p>
<p>"So you told her what he said?"</p>
<p>"Of course. We wives have to stick together. But I'm happy for her. It must be nice to have your husband talk about you that way."</p>
<p>"Hey! I've been in love with your O-face ever since I first imagined it."</p>
<p>"So, like in the first five seconds?"</p>
<p>As he rubbed his hand along her arm, Howard replied, "Bernie! I'm a gentleman! It took at least a full minute." Then he paused. "I do feel vindicated."</p>
<p>"Vindicated? How? About what?"</p>
<p>"I always knew thinking about sex would make me a better man, and look! Sheldon went and proved it! I mean, I've been thinking about it solid for like thirty years, so imagine how good I can be." He wiggled his eyebrows at his wife.</p>
<p>Bernadette chuckled. "I won't pretend I don't know what you're up to."</p>
<p>"Don't tell me you haven't been thinking about it all night. Think how good you'll be!" Howard leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Let me love you like Sheldon loves Amy. Especially your moon craters."</p>
<p>"Ew. Not like that. <em>Ever.</em>" Bernadette pushed his eager lips away. "I want you to love me like you've been waiting a whole month for it."</p>
<p>"We have two kids under the age of five. I'm pretty sure I have been. Maybe I should set an alarm on your phone."</p>
<p>Bernadette sighed. "I'm sorry it's been so long. Although I don't think it's been a whole month."</p>
<p>"Quality over quantity, right?" Howard shrugged. "Wow, I never thought I'd say that. Or agree with something Sheldon implied. Bernie, just because I really, really love your boobs doesn't mean that I don't love all of you. You're like duct tape, and I love that about you. You stick on and you just don't let go."</p>
<p>"Oh, Howie, I love you, too. You're perverted and bit of a spaz but you're kind. I'm so lucky you have you."</p>
<p>This time she let him kiss her for a long time. "So, why don't you love me with enough quality that I show you that O-face you love? I'll let you start with my boobs."</p>
<p>Howard pursed his lips together and made a putting sound as he approached her. "HMS Wolowitz coming into dock!"</p>
<hr/>
<p>"What a night, huh?" Penny said as she rubbed lotion over her legs.</p>
<p>"Sure was." Leonard hung his ratty red robe on the hook on the back of the door. "So did you really know that every single time Sheldon acted weird it was because of this Pon Farr business?"</p>
<p>Penny looked over at him as he got into bed beside her. "Not really. I did know about the quickie and that there was a schedule. And it was always easy to tell when they'd had sex because Amy has that dopey face for like a day or two afterward. So, a couple of times, you said he was weird and then, like the next day or whatever, she got the face or tried to tell us about Sheldon's long fingers -"</p>
<p>"Ugh!"</p>
<p>"Yeah, I know, right?" Penny shook her head to clear the memory of that description. "Anyway, I guess I sort of put two and two together. But! -" she interrupted Leonard's protesting noise "- I guess I didn't realize it, not really, until that day in the laundry room."</p>
<p>"He told you? And you didn't tell me?"</p>
<p>"No. I just kind of knew, like a feeling. Sheldon was so . . . well, so in love with Amy. The way he talked about her, the things he was doing so she knew that." Penny shrugged as she moved the lotion bottle back her nightstand. "And, anyway, as I recall, we also got distracted when I got home."</p>
<p>"You distracted me," Leonard corrected her. "Because you didn't want me to know?"</p>
<p>"No, not at all. I just - I don't know. Maybe it was contagious because I really wanted you then. I wanted you to know I loved you."</p>
<p>Leonard smiled. "Well, it worked."</p>
<p>Penny smiled back. "So, tonight. Strange, right? I mean, I've always been happy for Sheldon and Amy that they found someone as weird as them, but I'd never thought I'd be the tiniest bit jealous."</p>
<p>"Jealous? Excuse me?"</p>
<p>"Not really, you know. Just for a second, though, right before Amy came in . . . I don't know. It's nothing." Penny shook her head.</p>
<p>But Leonard surprised her by reaching for her hand and interlacing their fingers, just as she'd done earlier. "Actually, I do. Maybe we should tell each other how we feel more often. I'll start. Penny Hofstadter, I love seeing how comfortable and confident you've become in your career. You have more common sense than Howard and Raj put together. You make me smile."</p>
<p>"My turn. I love that you're smart and not as weird as your friends. You're sensitive, but in a good way, like how you've spent months worrying about Sheldon. You make me smile, too." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "But, for the record, I don't mind it when you notice my physical assets, too."</p>
<p>"Baby, I have looked at you with bedroom eyes since the moment you moved in across the hall." He took off his glasses and batted his eyelashes at her, which wasn't easy because he was squinting without them.</p>
<p>Penny laughed, glad to see he wasn't taking her musing too seriously. "Is that what they call it? Well, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, I knew you were special from the moment I moved in across the hall. But I had no idea how special you'd be to me."</p>
<p>"Heck, yes, I'm special. You think you're jealous of Amy, but she doesn't get to appreciate this whole package. Just look at it!" Leonard stretched out on top of the covers, his hairy limbs and chest on display along with his flabby stomach. "You know you couldn't wait for a whole month."</p>
<p>She laughed again as she leaned over and kissed her special, short, and hairy man. "You know what you could do?"</p>
<p>"Mmm, what's that?"</p>
<p>"Put your twelve years of desire to work."</p>
<p>"You've never seen a Pon Farr like it, baby!" Leonard cheered as he dove under the covers and Penny squealed in delight.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Amy seemed to be taking an overly long time in the bathroom. Sheldon shifted his legs under the quilt and pondered the closed door yet again. It was probably a bad sign. She must be angry with him.</p>
<p>The whole night was probably best forgotten. His friends discovering his phone and the embarrassing confession that followed were bad enough, but then he saw Penny and Bernadette whispering to Amy as they clustered around the island later. So there was no doubt his wife knew everything he had said and would be angry with him. The more he considered it, the more he thought he probably had made a mistake in explaining things the way he did. He should have just refused to discuss it. Eventually, the silence would have given way to another topic of conversation.</p>
<p>No doubt it was for for the best that those events and Amy's impending anger had prevented him from applying his mind to his usual Pon Farr rituals, as it was unlikely that Amy would want to engage in coitus with him. He'd been too busy to do more than a cursory check of the app as he turned off the alarm and unmuted his phone.</p>
<p>Spooning.</p>
<p>A single word suggestion, one of the few he'd programmed in to appear when he least expected it. Sheldon tilted his head. He was given to understand spooning could be especially enjoyable in the morning; perhaps Amy's anger would be gone by then. He imagined her, stretched out, the entire length of her creamy backside presented to him, the rise of her shoulder, the dip at her waist, the arched curve as her hip traveled above her bottom. She was turned, resting a hand on that hip, smiling over her shoulder at him.</p>
<p>He loved that smile, the one she got as he approached her. Then she'd part her lips slightly as they arranged themselves, as she pulled a knee up to give him access. Sheldon hoped that, in that position, he'd be wrapped so tightly around her, his ear so very close to touching her lips, that he'd have no trouble hearing the intake of her breath as he filled her. If he were to catalog all the reactions of Amy when they made love - and he had - that sound was in the top five.</p>
<p>Sheldon shifted in bed. Oh. Perhaps he shouldn't have done that, thought about Amy during coitus. Parts of him were stirring now. He reached over and grabbed his phone to distract himself. He should probably rename the app, just in case. And change the alarm tone. A preset one or should he download something? He listened to a few.</p>
<p>"What are you doing?" Amy asked, and he looked up, surprised to see her getting in bed next to him.</p>
<p>"Oh, I didn't hear you." He lowered his phone. No use pretending she didn't know. "I think I should change the alarm tone on my app. Now that everyone knows." He paused as the sound of wind chimes came from his phone and then shook his head. "What about a train whistle? It seems Howard thinks it's a good idea, too."</p>
<p>"You asked Howard?"</p>
<p>"No, but he keeps sending me that emoji of a train in a tunnel."</p>
<p>"Uh, I don't think that means what you think it means."</p>
<p>"Maybe not." He sighed and put his phone back. It was probably best to get it over with. "I'm sorry, Amy."</p>
<p>"For what?"</p>
<p>He frowned. He didn't like it when she pretended she wasn't experiencing an emotion; it was hard enough for him to keep track of and respond to the real ones. "I know you're angry with me," he explained. "I saw Penny and Bernadette telling you what I said. In retrospect, I should have just repeated that the alarm was none of their business until they stopped asking. I mistakenly convinced myself that since we were discussing my alarm and my response to it, that it was my -"</p>
<p>"Sheldon, stop." Amy put her hand on his pajama sleeve and she looked up at him with surprisingly bright eyes. "I'm not angry. Not at all. Yes, they told me what you said and it was . . . Oh, Sheldon, it was lovely."</p>
<p>"I don't understand. We have zones of privacy, and, as Dr. Fink wasn't present, I'm certain I violated ours."</p>
<p>Amy smiled, a little thing. "I know. And I think if you'd just volunteered all that information out of nowhere, that would be one thing, but, well . . ." She shrugged. "But what you said about me . . . it's so romantic. I'm just sorry I didn't get to hear it in person." Amy's palm cupped his cheek and she leaned forward to kiss him. "I love you."</p>
<p>She really wasn't angry. "I love you, too."</p>
<p>As Amy snuggled closer to his side, she said, "I'm sorry our friends found out about your alarm. Are you okay with it?"</p>
<p>"It's not ideal, but perhaps it would have happened eventually. The alarm can sound at any time except during my do not disturb hours. Then it is programmed to go off once that is over."</p>
<p>She bit her lip. "Good. But what I meant is, are you alright, having to tell everyone such personal details? It must have been difficult. Embarrassing."</p>
<p>He paused and considered the evening. It was like nothing he could have anticipated. "At first, I had trouble making myself understood, which shouldn't have been surprising given the lower intellectual capacity of our friends, and that was distressing as it so often is. But, really, I feel mostly relieved. You and I have discussed my sexuality so much that, although I was never hiding anything, it just never really came up with the others. Or not in a long time." He sighed. "I suppose it was just easier to let them assume and speculate, and now I regret that because they misconstrued things. I'm mostly pleased to have cleared things up." He angled to look her straight in her eyes. "I was only embarrassed when I realized they pitied you. I'm sorry some of their misassumptions involved you and your happiness. That's what I wanted to make most clear to them. I know I'm not a perfect husband, Amy, especially not when it comes to your physical needs, but it was essential that they knew - that you know - that I'm always trying."</p>
<p>"I do." She rested her cheek against his shoulder. "I'm touched that you put so much work into it. I had no idea."</p>
<p>His eyebrows rose. "What do you mean? You knew I had a schedule; it was your suggestion."</p>
<p>"I guess I just thought it involved a calendar. Or was just all in your head. But you actually wrote and programmed an application for it?"</p>
<p>"For you," he reminded her softly. "For us."</p>
<p>"Exactly. And they say math isn't romantic."</p>
<p>"I don't know who these 'they' are but you shouldn't associate with them."</p>
<p>Amy chuckled next to him and then she lifted her head. "So, um, I take it that since the alarm went off this evening . . ."</p>
<p>Sheldon reached for her hand and patted it softly to reassure her that he no longer had any expectations. "We could do it tomorrow morning if you like. Or we can forego it altogether. I understand if the revelations of this evening ruined the mood. There is a system within the app for recalculations."</p>
<p>There was the faint click of a switch and the ceiling above them filled with stars. Sheldon looked up with a start. It was the lamp he'd bought her, the one she could use to signal her interest in sexual intercourse, a silent nonconfrontational way for her to indicate her desires outside of his schedule. True to her patient nature, Amy had not over-used the tactic. And, just as he'd hoped, it had helped him navigate the thorny garden of his sexually without fear of recrimination or reprisal. Twice it had allowed him time to contemplate and prepare for a pleasurable encounter with Amy. And once it had allowed him time to decide he just couldn't, for reasons he couldn't pinpoint, not even for her. But, unlike the uncomfortable evening he'd just had across the hallway, there had been no need to analyze and explain his feelings and reasons to Amy. Although he'd lain awake far too long in bed trying to determine why not, all Amy had done was turn off the lamp after a few hours and reach out to hold his hand as she fell asleep.</p>
<p>But, now . . . "Amy, I don't understand your use of the lamp in this context."</p>
<p>His cheek was brushed by her lips. "I don't want to forego it," she whispered in his ear. "I desire you, too, Sheldon Cooper, every day. But especially tonight."</p>
<p>"It seems that perhaps your friends misled you." Sheldon swallowed. "Technically, I said that I desire your mind every day, and I have a feeling there's another sort of desire brewing in your nether regions."</p>
<p>"They didn't. However, I do not find the two types of desire mutually exclusive. Rather, I find they are often linked."</p>
<p>He turned to angle toward her bed, intrigued. There had been moments when Amy's intelligence had been a surprising aphrodisiac. If not in the full, traditional sense, it had at least inflamed him into wanting nothing more than to kiss her, long and deep and hard. He had considered that such making out was spontaneous because it was a way for him to get his brain as closest to her brain as was possible. And, yet, for all that and for all the conversations they'd had over the years about his struggle with his pale gray sexuality, he'd never considered that Amy may feel the same way. Was his mind just as arousing to her as his body? "How do you mean?"</p>
<p>As she smiled, Amy said, "Sometimes - often - and from the very beginning - it was your mind that turned me on. So an algorithm of your own creation . . . I think it's sexy."</p>
<p>"Really?" Sheldon licked his lips. "Did I mention I programmed in various sexual positions for it to suggest at random? Not every month; just occasionally. The frequency and order of the suggestions are also pseudo-randomized."</p>
<p>"Oh?" Amy's voice lowered as she leaned in closer. "Well, they say variety is the spice of life. Tell me more."</p>
<p>"For example, this evening it suggested we could try a position known as spooning."</p>
<p>Amy's mouth twisted. "Mmm, I was thinking you could tell me more about the algorithm you created instead."</p>
<p>"Really? What, exactly, do you want to know? I thought you wanted coitus."</p>
<p>Her reply was a kiss, deep and pressing. Sheldon welcomed her eagerly, pulling her closer and running his palms down her flannel-covered back.</p>
<p>"As much as I enjoyed that," he said when they finally broke apart, "I feel I'm receiving mixed messages. Equations or coitus?"</p>
<p>"Ohh, Dr. Cooper, don't you know you can do both at the same time?"</p>
<p>"How?"</p>
<p>Amy reached up and pulled her nightgown over her head. Sheldon gulped. She wasn't wearing anything, not even her usual panties, underneath. "Write your algorithm on me."</p>
<p>"Um, with markers?" He tried to process this request even as his naked wife started to unbutton his pajama top. "They'll stain the sheets. And then how will I kiss your shoulder, for example? You're the one always telling me they're toxic and I shouldn't taste them."</p>
<p>The fingers at his button stopped just for a beat. "I think you're on to something. But let's circle back to that after I research some . . . exotic markers." Sheldon raised his eyebrows as the progression down his chest was completed.</p>
<p>"No, here was what I had in mind." Amy suddenly straddled him, pressing her bare chest against his, her weight on his lap making it apparent just how ready he was to comply with any suggestion she might give. Her mouth nestled near his ear, her hot breath hollowing him out with desire. "You're going write your equation on me, Sheldon, with your tongue. And I think you know exactly where the solution will be found."</p>
<p>"But - but what about the spooning?"</p>
<p>"Why do you think my light is on? It's for tomorrow morning."</p>
<p>
  <strong>THE END</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>I owe, as always, a thank you too large to be a mere mention to my beloved friend and beta, Melissa. In addition, she deserves thanks for giving me the idea for this story. While she was editing either </strong>
  </em>
  <strong>The Sexuality Quandary</strong>
  <em>
    <strong> or </strong>
  </em>
  <strong>The Stellar Adjustment</strong>
  <em>
    <strong> - honestly, I don't remember which - she suggested a tale about the gang's reaction to Sheldon's coitus schedule/Pon Farr. I loved her idea and it dovetailed with my own desire to challenge myself to write a story from a non-Shamy POV. It just took me awhile to get around to writing it.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>Speaking of those stories, you've no doubt determined that this story is a sort-of-kind-of sequel to those. Some of the motifs are same, especially the use of Sheldon's app. Mostly, though, it is a continuation of my attempt to realistically explain Sheldon's sexuality (please read those stores if you are interested in more about this topic). As with many on the asexual spectrum, Sheldon has discovered that he can madly, truly, deeply love someone and not necessarily want to have physical intercourse with them. And, as he says here, Amy's acceptance of that and the methods they've developed to work through their differences together has only deepened their respect and love.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>So, perhaps this story isn't really about coitus or Pon Farr at all. It's just about love.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>Thank you for reading and leaving reviews!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
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